The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was told by someone today, my life was a "saga".....With my ongoing relationship.....wow
How did I feel.....Angry, Hurt, Humiliated.....
Let me ask you a question?
I have an A in my life......Like most of you all. I am not married to him, We are not in a relationship, Does that make me any less vunerable than someone who is married or committed to one.
I have not been on the board or in the room much, and I have been working on me all day, trying to find a solution to my problem (emotions and feelings). The only solution was for me, my previous post. I wrote down what I wanted from the friendship, in the only way I knew how too.. I asked for wisdom, to try and help me decide wither to show him it or not.
I seem to do nothing right on the odd occassion, and again I think today is one of they days.
For some of you who read my posts. maybe you do think my life is a drama....But I can assure you, all I am doing wrong Is letting a recovering A, push all the buttons he knows how to push. I am learning in al-anon, but it has taken me 35 years to get like this, and It will not change overnight. And as a result I am suffering again, time after time. I usually have my f2f to go to, and ask questions, But as I'm working nights I'm missing some meetings. Thats why I came onto the board.
There is a saying in al-anon "take what you like and leave the rest" but sometimes, emotions prevent us from doing this.
I have decided I need my space, and as of today and after some long thought, I am going to withdraw from the Internet Al-Anon.
My recovery needs f2f....
I know I am worth a great recovery.......And I fully intend to give it my best shot...I have been on a steady recovery..And believe it or not, most of my stress comes from the communication problems with the internet...lol
For the people who know me, they know how to accept me, and what I can be like with you all...lol
Thank you for being here when I needed you all..
Wishing you all well and a healthy and happy recovery
Ally I'm sorry if I hurt you by anything I said girl. I didn't mean it that way!! I think many of us have been in relationships, where in retrospect we should've set our boundaries and/or left sooner. (((I know I have!!))) and that's where I was coming from with my reply. Take care
So sorry someone hurt your feelings today. I hope I was not offensive to you in my post. Just sharing my E,S, and H. Honestly I didn't have an answer about the letter, its really about how comfortable you are with sharing that with your friend. You know what you need for you better than anyone else does and if that means focusing on F/F meetings instead of Internet then that's understandable. I for one will miss you E,S, and H. and your wit.
Hope you'll return to the board soon. Peace, Love, and Joy to you.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Oh, ally, I hope you don't go!!!! You are like my twin, remember?!?!?! I feel like my life is a saga...twisting plots, drama, tears, love, who know where it will end? I have gained much strength from you, ally, and I know others have too. You and I, we are just women who love A's. With all of our hearts. And we love until it hurts. Believe me, I know. No matter what I do to take care of me, how much I detach and go about my life, that love sits there like a rock in my chest. Sometimes maybe this is where HP wants me to be. I am "waiting for the miracle". Seems like you are too. But, we are busy little waiters! Doing what we need to do, taking care of ourselves. But that doesn't mean sometimes we don't get hurt. We are only human. HP knows that! Hope you don't go! Love in Recovery Your Friend Becky1
Ally.... in my experience, the BEST scenario is one where you have a F2F program, and supplement it with online Al-Anon. If you have to choose one over the other, I guess I'd lean towards the F2F, but still believe that a mix of both is best....
Take care, and hope you choose what is best for you Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Do what you need to do and if you need to be angry or check out or refocus, I think all that's fine. As far as your life being an ongoing drama, well, honestly, I feel like mine would make an incredible mini series. Even my kids names are soap opera like Saige, Hope and Maeve. But my life is mine to call overly dramatic if I want to but when I come here I need to feel unjudged. And I do for the most part. I do hope it was nothing that I said that offended you. that was not my intent. I am a hurt person and I have to be careful not to hurt people. I hope you don't go for long and that you get what you need...
((((((((Hen)))))) I hope you continue to pop in. I love when you're around ,and you have helped me in so many ways ,so many times. Even you're sense of humor will do it for me on some days . LOL you keep me chucklin" As far as others feedback~ we're all in different places hen, we too need to remember , "take what you like and leave the rest" in regard to the responses we receive back ;) We are all here for the same reason ,to heal and by sharing our OWN ESH we help one another..lil at a time... When we're hurting we tend to be extra sensitive, and thats ok too ;) I've been there...;) Hoping you continue to be a part of MIP when you can~ Love and lots of ((((((((((((((((Ally)))))))))))
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It works if you work it , so work it YOU'RE worth it <3
We certainly have all had our stories and "sagas" -- and although it is truth, courtesy, etiquette, and PROGRAM would advocate to: say what you mean mean what you say BUT DON'T SAY IT MEAN.
Did you ask that person for their opinion on your relationship? If "no", then let them work their program. For me, I WORK(progress) on not giving my opinion unless asked.
On the flipside, it is your responsibility to deal with your feelings of being hurt by that statement. You have the tools of the program, please, use them. Let go and Let God. How Important is It? Obsessing? Detach from it. Put up a boundary with that person.
For me, there is not a person here or anywhere that could prevent me from getting my needs met. This room is part of where I get my needs met... Change. Courage to change.
love you cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
((ally))) i will miss you...but, you have to do what you need to in order to take care of you. I'll pass on to you what my sponsor said to me once about someone else's opinion...she said i am not responsible for what someone else thinks...don't know if that helps at all. Sending you lots of love. your friend in recovery, rosie
