The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The past couple days I've been feeling pretty crappy. I just had my wisdom teeth out (not much pain, thank God, but a lot of puffiness, drowsiness and not much "satisfying" food). After visiting Matt for the first time on Sunday, I've been feeling really upset about this whole situation. At first, it was like, "Ok, he's an alcoholic, he's getting help, it's ok." Now it's like I'm finally realizing this is a lifetime thing that is really going to affect me on a deep level as long as we're together, and probably after any separation.
Point being, I'm mad at him, and his rehab center, because we can't be together. I need him right now, and I know he needs me (he's incredibly stressed all the time there, I don't see how chronic stress is considered recovery). But mostly I need him right now. We haven't been together much this summer anyway because I had a vacation and a summer course, and that's made things harder.
Seeing as I'm new to this whole thing, I'm sure this sounds like codependency or whatever other things al-anons go through (haven't found any literature in our sad little library), and I know I'm a very codependent person to begin with. I just feel bad because he's going through so much more than me, but I'm still angry with him because he's not with me.
I'm just trying to sort things out. I don't want to tell him how upset I am because I don't want to add to all the crap he's dealing with, but I'm afraid if I don't I'll end up taking it out on him later.
Anyway, I'm glad I found this board, I can't really go to meetings til next week because I'm not supposed to drive much, what with the drowsiness and all. And I really don't know who else to go to. My friends don't get it and my pastor is my father, which would make for some awkward times.
Welcome to the family. You are going thru what I went thru when I first started. I didn't know anything then and didn't know that I didn't know anything then. I did the best with what I had and that was nothing and so I screwed up alot ...and...I kept coming back and went to more than 100 meetings in 90 days. I got to be a sponge for what was being shared in the rooms of Al-Anon and listened and learned.
Sounds like you're fritzing at the moment (going nuts and feeling out of control) that is what we are here for to listen, share our experience, strength and hope with you so that you might gain some positive outcomes.
This is the place for you and especially the face to face meetings.
We have slogans that help such as "Don't react", "Easy does it", "let go and let God", "Turn it over" and more. We also have tons of really informative and helpful literature while you take a time out and read, read, read.
Your alcoholic is in rehab and he is with the people that will do the best for him...so let him. Use patience and tolerance and acceptance to reduce your own stress. Being in rehab is a different world for you both and neither of you will earn the benefits of recovery if you both don't experience the process.
If you hate feeling anger...feel the opposite, acceptance of the fact that he is alcoholic and away from you trying to be totally alcohol free for the rest of his life. If you are feeling impatient and frustrated try patience and our slogan "One day at a time."
You'll be okay as you continue to take your focus off of him and where he is at and put that focus of where you need to be and what you need to do for you.
This program really took me to having a real life and one that is very worth living. Alcoholism almost took every inch of life away from me. It sure did take every inch of sanity away until I got here.
I can relate to feeling frustrated that my AH could not "be there" for me during times I felt I needed emotional support.
As the program says "Stop going to the Hardware store for a loaf of bread" But there is also the fact that you still need bread.
Your A may not be able to give you the emotional support and care that you need right now, but you can find that support and care from other healthy sources.
Keep Coming here for support from the MIP family. Do things that will help your healing process, healthy, relaxing, comfort, de-stressers - relaxing baths, arts & craft work, plant flowers, baking, watch your favorite funny movie - whatever helps you relax and gives you that reassurance that you need.
Taking care of you is a good way to help with acceptance and healing.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
You're from Pennsylvania right? Hope I'm right! Here's a link to help you find meetings in PA: http://www.pa-al-anon.org/alalist.php - They have pretty flexibal times available usually, maybe you could start going when you recover from your teeth extraction. In the meantime, keep reading about Al-anon and the literature they have to offer. I found a great site where you can get free al-anon pamphlets ( http://www.aabangalore.com/free.html ) click on the one called "44 Questions" and then the last 4 pamphlets are Al-Anon related as well. =) I'm gonna order some too.
Well since I'm not being of much help with the second link - just try googling Alanon and you'll find lots of helpful links with lots of good information. =)
Haha, thanks Gurl. Silly internets never work the way they should.
I'm kind of over this now, for the time being. I'm a needy (not to mention moody, haha) person by nature, so... I know I'll be back and forth in it for the rest of the time he's in there. I'm just hoping the second half goes faster than the first half, and I keep reminding myself that after he's out we'll be together probably so much we'll get sick of each other.
Still having problems finding a meeting time/place that works for me, I'm trying to find something reasonably in between my home and college so I won't have to switch groups off and on. I found one or two that might be ok, so we'll see how it goes once my face settles down.
