The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In reading the BIG book, I came across this sentance. "We are taught to differentiate between our wants (which are never satisfied) and our needs (which are always provided for).....Page 559.
This Is confusing me... As you know I have a Recovering A in my life.. Who's working the programme (?). We are being Intimate again. But when I asked him a few days ago..Are you okay with all of this. He replied "I felt weird this morning, but I'm okay now".. (this is a friendship thats has been going 20 years).(have been in a physical relationship on and off since october).
Gees-us....Is It ME.....Does he actually like me, does he fancy me. or Is It just the Idea of a longterm relationship that terrifies him.....???
I am on the bloody merry-go-round. When I think he doesn't want me, he always comes back, and he Is showing me actions, being really affectionate during intamacy....But his communication sucks big time...lol
I asked a member of his AA group, If he laughs at the meetings, he does laugh at funny things, but he's very serious....hmmmmm
He has always been very withdrawn In sobriety...I get him laughing on the odd ocassion...IS this just his personality.....???
Everyone tells me to get rid of him, but It Is very Difficult and confusing for me...I love this guy with all my heart...
Can someone who Is In Recovery have a relationship, when all their lives they have been hurt In previous ones...
Any Info guys..... "Desperate" for some understanding...
This has just been my experience. It is only when I was healthy enough to not need a relationship that I was able to function in a healthy way in one. So, I had to work through the upbringing, work through the abusive relationship, find out who I was (what my wants, needs, likes, dislikes were), be completely and totally content with being on my own etc. etc. etc. Only then was I able to not have a relationship rule who I was.
I adore my other half. I also have a very sound plan B in place and will probably end up using it within the next 12 months if things do not change. Will I be broken-hearted? Yes. But I will be okay because I am very okay with me.
As to what your other half may be thinking.....damned if I know. Questions like, how long in recovery? what is his self esteem like? what were previous relationship experiences etc etc etc would all play a picture.
This doesn't sound like much help but its all I have.
Most important, take care of Ally!!!! Love having you here!!!!
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
You say yourself that you are on a merry-go-round. This relationship you have with an alcoholic has you confused and questioning what you are doing. Do you believe that this will lead you to happiness?
Now, what healthy (non-addict/non-codependent) relationship can you use to compare your feelings... that helps me define what those feelings are and where they came from. Perhaps, that is not possible, in which case, I try to redefine what I want and how I want it.
love ya cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
