The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"THE WEEKEND" ... those are two words I really don't look forward to anymore. Those are two words that have become synonymous with "alone", "fearful", "sad", "worried", "depressed", but most of all "ANXIETY". During the week (if his life has once again been spared after a wkend of binging) I know that my husband is safe, that I am safe, that everything will run pretty smoothly, no worries really. I know I have set my boundaries and that enforcing them last wkend was a huge help in regard to the anxiety. But everytime I think about the weekend - I'm filled with anxiety - my heart jumps - my stomach feels weird. How do you get rid of that feeling if/when AH goes back to the same old habits - regardless if they aren't around you while they're doing it. How do you detatch without letting go of the relationship and giving up completely? I'm not ready for that bc hubby has agreed to get help and we plan to go to a newcomer meeting this Sunday and at least once a wk after that. But I have no idea what the future will really bring. The line between holding on and letting go seems so blurred.
What worked for me was to quit building my life and my happiness around my husband and what he does. I began to cut out a life for myself. I did things that kept me busy, went places, had fun. It's a learned process that we can be happy whether they are drinking or not. We get soused to being sucked in we tend to think it's normal. Most importantly, what me must learn is to have our own lives and goals, based on our own happiness and needs, not based on what they are doing. They just don't have that kind of power unless we freely give it. I was just not willing to hand over my happiness or sanity anymore.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Yours is a great post that summarizes what most of us have faced in our relationship with our A's, and I think we tend to always focus on whether or not we have to stay or leave.... The reality is, regardless of the stay v. leave decision, we have to reclaim control of our own lives, and our own happiness. Walking on eggshells and fearing the worst from ANYONE is no way to live, and it's just another reminder of how we need to work on ourselves, get ourselves better and healthier, and carry on with what WE want out of life. Your A will either come along or he won't..... as YOU get YOU better, you won't be so dependant upon his decision, and you can still have your own life....
One of my favourite sayings...... "he is either gonna drink, or he won't... what are YOU gonna do?"
Take care of you
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
