The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is difficult to decide where to start with this one. A very good friend of mine who is new into her AA recovery is going through a difficult time at the moment. Her husband had charges against him (non addiction related) during all of the court appearances he was told that he would not be facing jail time only to go to court and the state pushed for jail time. He was given 4 years of which he is to spend 120 day shock treatment.
My friend as well as her husband were devastated by the outcome. She is on disability which is around $400 per month which is not nearly enough to pay the bills.
In the past week since he was given the sentence and taken away I have seen her go through countless emotions all the way from depression, anger and now deep depression again. She isn't eating, sleeping or taking care of herself and as she has said she just doesn't know where to jump first.
My question... Is there a grieving period in situations like this much like the death of a family member? I want to help her make it through this as much as possible but I am at a loss as how to do that since I have never been in her shoes.
I have also found my old habits of wanting to fix it all for her kick into high gear this past week. I don't know how much I should help her, if I should help her or do I need to back off and let her take care of it all herself. She is at such a loss as to what to do right now and so am I.
She will definitely have to downsize her lifestyle due to finances but that will take time and in the meantime there is rent to be paid, utilities to take care of, and she may loose her vehicle. So far she has cut off her internet, taken the pet to the pound, shut off the cell phone service and anything else she can save on.
Any ESH in a matter such as this will be appreciated. Barb
__________________
Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
molly your friend is afraid , her husb is going to jail and she is alone or so she thinks , encourage her to continue with her program and hopfully she will be able to stay clean and sober . there is help and support for her there. There is also help for the wives whos husb are incarcerated just need to find out where. John Howard society may be a good place to start . Human resorces will also help ,she will get help she just needs to do some research . Support her efforts it is really the only thing ucan do. Louise
The prospect of not knowing what is down the road can be overwhelming. Ever loose a job all of a sudden? I have. I was not only scared beyond my wits, but entirely overwhelmed the first few days. So I'd say yes this is a natural state for her to be in. All you can do is offer your support and maybe if you choose, help her find the help she needs. Don't do it for her, like the good codies we all are, but if she asks you to help her then do it. She has to know what is out there for her. She has to be able to know that she can stand on her own 2 feet. That's what recovery is all about.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
How scary for your friend. I'm sure she is glad to have a great friend like you for emotional support. Giving her those gentle reminders to do the self-care as much as she can would probably be some of the best help she can get. Taking care of ourselves doesn't have to cost money, like mentioned before there may be support groups for the spouses of persons who are incarcerated - this may also help her deal with some of the emotional issues.
Yes, I know you want to help your friend, be supportive and help give her the tools she needs to get thru this difficult time, but please remember to take care of yourself also. When things like this happen to my friends, I tend to push my self-care aside, hope that you don't, but just in case you do - just wanted to remind you to take good care of YOU.
Will keep you & your friend in my prayers, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
