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I know my ah is throwing a temper tantrum but why take it out on the kids? I had to call ah and beg him to please call the kids for Father's Day because they are not understanding why he's not calling. I honestly think he would sweep them under the rug as well. He totally hates me because I had the miscarriage. This whole thing is really wierd. Is this some sort of control thing? What am I missing? I was losing the pg and he calls me every name in the book which made me know he was drinking so I said I had to get the divorce and now he's hating me? He was the one that messed up but yet he's punishing me and the kids. He still hasn't put money in the bank. I called his parents and they are at a loss for words on his behavior. Even after eight years his attitude is shocking me. I've kep the kids busy. We made lunch and put a blanket on the living room floor and had a picnic there. (it's pouring outside, thunderstorms), we then played school and made playdoh self portraits and then turned music on and we danced with each other. Now the girls are sleeping soundly, one on the couch and the other bundled up on the floor. My dear son is in his room watching cartoons. I don't even know what to tell them anymore about daddy's behavior. They are so smart and they know it's a crock what he's doing to them. I'm sorry to vent.....I just can't make sense of this, this time. Why am I made to feel as if I did something wrong. Shouldn't he be compassionate and sweet after what I just went through? Am I wrong? He won't talk to me on the phone, he's a coward! I can't even mourn the loss of the pg because he's pulled my attention towards him and how he's treating the kids. Thank you MIP, I so needed you today. Love ya. (((HUGS)))
I am so sorry you are going thru this too. I read your post and although the specifics are different, the behaviors are so the same and it is so painful. I wish my ex AH could read your post. But ya know it wouldn't make him think, he'd just put on his judge robes and say how awful for a father to behave that way. Sick thing is he is behaving the same way. You sound great despite it all. I know you're not, how could you be but how wonderful that you still have the piece of mind to take care of your kids. Just don't forget to take care of you...much love
I am so sorry that you are going thru this. You are right you deserve compassion after loosing your baby. There is no excuse for his behavior. I know that they have a disease but AUGH!!! It is frusterating !! I feel so bad for the kids, mine too. They dont deserve to feel unloved, and ignored.. They deserve to be loved and cherished. They need us right now, we are their ROCK.
Am sorry your going thru this , his anger is comming from his own guilt don't take it on . Alcoholics rage at the p eople they care about the m ost -go figure. nature of the disease unfortuantley. There is no figureing them out and the sooner we realize that the better off we are. Of course he is angry you said enough !!! they really don't like the word NO . Hopefully he will come to his sences and call his children and step up and be responsible but don't hold your breath ,he knows the best way to get at you is thru your children . He has to blame someone if he didn't he would h ve to take responsibiltiy for his own behavior and as u may have noticed they don't do that easily . Look after yourself keep the focus on you and your childrens needs there is nothing u can do about him . Louise
Serendipity, I thought the same thing when I read your post about your A. It's uncanny. I talked to ah tonight and explained how he runs when I try to talk to him. While I was talking to him I was thinking "why am I bothering to talk to him? What is this going to solve? What am I wanting to get out of this conversation?" Sometimes I had pauses in my conversation because I could not believe I was wasting my breath on him again. It would be nice to be able to speak my peace without interuption and actually be heard. He can actually take my miscarriage and turn it around to where it's about him! How amazing the alcoholic mind works. I am going to focus on myself, I have been slacking. I always appreciate the reminder from you guys. Love ya for it.
Friendofyours, My eyes teared up reading your blog...I'm soooo sorry! I totally understand where your coming from....It totally amazes me how my AH can turn something that has nothing to do with him into all about him....And then I find myself in that same conversation trying to explain it. I do find myself pausing, sometimes silently cursing myself for going down this raod again, but mostly for wasting my time, cause I know he won't get it....They are selfish...My thoughts are with you and your children, please take care of yourself...Your a kind person and deserve better.....
(((Friendofyours))) So, sorry you are going thru all of this. You are doing the best you can in an incredible painful situation. Keeping your focus on you and your children is a good thing for you and the kids. Know that you will get thru this. I will keep you and your kids in my prayers.
My prayers go out to you and your children. No one deserves that. You sound like an extremely strong, level-headed woman and I have no doubt that you will get through this.
Sorry to hear your pain, and I certainly lived through that similar saga from my A-wife. I can remember the words of my sponsor, over and over, as he reminded me:
"Why do we keep thinking that sick and irrational people (our active A's) will behave in healthy and rational ways? When looking at your A, try seeing her (him) with a big SSS stamped on their forehead, for SICK SICK SICK."
I know it doesn't resolve your issues, but it feels like you are focussing on the WHY questions, as opposed to the WHAT ones. Sometime we just truly have to stop trying to make sense out of nonsense.
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
This would be one of the times when I would imagine him to be secretly replaced by one of the pod people. The real him is dead, the only thing left is this unfeeling alien who is on his own personal mission. So sorry he's such a pr***! Alcoholism is NO excuse for treating another person (especially someone you supposedly love) like this!
This would be one of the times when I would imagine him to be secretly replaced by one of the pod people. The real him is dead, the only thing left is this unfeeling alien who is on his own personal mission. So sorry he's such a pr***! Alcoholism is NO excuse for treating another person (especially someone you supposedly love) like this!
This is tough for you, I would like you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I admire how good you are with your children, that is a real gift and very unselfish of you, Keep safe and look after yourself.
((((FOY)))) I cannot say I'd be as strong as you in this situation - there've been occasions when I just let the TV do the babysitting bc I was so upset or stressed over AH's crap. But you are going through so much and I admire you for everything you continue to do for your kiddos despite everything. You cannot control what he does - but you can control how you handle it and you are creating some wonderful memories for your children and yourself even in such a trying time. Keep posting, keep doing what you're doing. (((much~love)))
Your pic freaked me out the first time I saw it awhile back, I was looking down typing and thought I was seeing things when she blinked. LOL take care!
Your pic freaked me out the first time I saw it awhile back, I was looking down typing and thought I was seeing things when she blinked. LOL take care!