The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was taken into hospital early hours Friday with suspected angina. Turns out I have chronic degenerative arthritis. I texted the A when I was in and 0520am today I got a call from him saying he was lost, could I help him, he had noone else.... NOT a mention as to how I was.
I then put my phone on silent- 8 missed calls from him. Today I got a call from him asking me to phone him back. I did. He wasn't answering.
I am in pain. I don't know where he is. I'm so hurt and fed up.
Leave it up to the A to really be there for you! I had my wisdom teeth pulled a few years ago, and the A was a "monster", raging at me (I smoked at the time) to not smoke, why did I let my teeth go that long without pulling them earlier. He was a complete mess, an angry mess. Even when I would get a cold, it sent him over the edge into being angry.
Later it occured to me that when anything "bad" happened to me it scared him to death. Instead of a more conventional response (like concern) he reacted with anger and sometimes rage. I've asked him about it, and he could acknowlege this was true. It never made much difference in his behavior after, though.
He was not "using" at the time, but looking back, he's struggled with "dry drunkeness" pretty much our whole marraige. It wasn't personal to me, this anger he had. He just couldn't cope with ANYTHING adverse happening to me. It looked like he didn't care, and he might as well have NOT cared for the stress of being ill and having my husband 'losing it' and throwing temper tantrums.
I'm so sorry about the arthritis, that is hard enough to cope with by yourself. Thank goodness it wasn't your heart. I hope your doc provides a treatment that gives you relief!
(((((muppet))))) I'm so sorry you're going through this. A's are notorious for not thinking of anyone but themselves.
Please take care of yourself. I hope you have family or someone who can help you get through this traumatic time. I've been in ER myself several times in the past and I consider that to be a pretty big deal along with putting up with the antics of an A.
His HP will take of him while you take care of you. You're in my prayers.
Oh honey, that is horribly painful I have heard. Does not help it when the disease breaks your heart either.
A's cannot handle anyone elses sickness, part of the disease. I always said I was an afterthought. I had surgeries, someone stole my dog, all my family died, but if he cut his finger omg....it took priority.
I do relate.
I invite you to concentrate on you, and know others care about you. Do you have loved ones to help you?Maybe block him from calling you for now? It is not your loved one anyway, it is the disease talking.
I hope you have help. I have the Arth too. I KNOW for sure how awful it is. I push myself to keep going. Still buck hay, paint, feed, shear etc...Yes and sometimes I am in so much pain, I get grumpy. But if I keep going I do better emotionally. Pain pills are great, I take very simple, mild darvocet if I have to. Have vicodan but hate it. don't use it.
The pain can get you so down. Can you imagine if a person was A and could not take any pain med? Aspirin and all that kill my stomach.
Lots of A's are really self medicating.
I am praying you have others who love you and will comfort you. My hands hurt so bad, my right is also numb and the best thing I have found to help... is mixing my pot bellied pigs feed in hot water and sticking my hands in it. lol sad but true!!!
One thing I learned too is, i will find I can do something, like move my huge antique hutch across the room... but then the next day I am hurting sooooo bad....so....I am not doing certain things anymore.
Well know there are people out there in the world that care about you.
He sounds just like my ah. I'm sorry you are going through this. It sucks when you go to call on your supposid best friend and they are not there. We are here for ya girl. I hope you feel better sweetheart. Try and rest and take it easy. Good luck. (((HUGS)))
Sorry you are feeling this way. Hope you are feeling better soon. Try and remember that his disease is about him, and no one else. When they are active they don't care what else is going on. For me, I wouldn't have any expectations of him. Less disappointment that way. Take good care of yourself.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
