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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Things are getting pretty bad with ah
Post Info TOPIC: Things are getting pretty bad with ah
Friendofyours


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Things are getting pretty bad with ah
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Ah is no longer sober and I saw the true him once again the night I was in the ER miscarrying. The next day I told him that I could not do it all over again and that I have to file for the divorce. That was my boundary and he crossed it so it's going to be done. Now he is with holding money and giving me and the kids none. This is the game he plays. He is threatening to have the electric turned off and the water. I guess he could seriously care less about his own kids even. This is the man I hate, this is the alcoholic. He's starting to miss work and take off. I offered to let him come this weekend to see the kids for Father's Day but he said he is too tired to drive over, which tells me he is hung over. I told him to forget it all together. How sad for my kids. He always hurts them in the end. Now I have to move fast to find a place for me and the kids. It's pretty hard when you do not have a job and can not afford daycare for three children. I am going down tomorrow to file for child support. I am still going through the miscarriage and I am taking time to heal today. I was in the ER again last night. It was really bad and VERY painful. He didn't even call to see if I was ok. I think the whole "getting pg" thing was to trap me into staying in the marriage. I am starting to see it now. Once he knew I was pg he went back to drinking. How could I have been so stupid, with a capital S. Dumb dumb dumb.
Thank you for letting me vent. It's been a hard few day on my body and my mind.. :(

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carolinagirl


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So sorry girl! I know you must be going through so much pain right now. I remember I was always so hard on myself about why didn't I see this, why did I trust him again, etc. Don't be too hard on yourself. Learn from your mistakes and take the next right step.

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maresie2


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I think one of the worst things the a did to me was to ignore me when I was ill. Right now the a is pretty sick. He's been going to the VA. That takes up a tremendous amount of time. I have lots of health issues that are not getting taken care, cholesterol, asthma, kidney issues. I do not have it to go to the doctor at the moment. I will in time. Since the A got sick he has just expected me to step in when he is unable to care for himself. What gets to me is that he wont' do that for me. On Monday I had a huge blow up with him. I let out a lot of resentment. He could't hear it of course but I let it out That felt better.

Personally I don't think they have a grand scheme of manipulation. I think after watching the homeless couple in action they just survive day to day by the skin of their teeth.

Maresie.

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maresie
hersh


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Friend:

I am so sorry for your pain.  Don't feel bad about what you felt, and how you trusted him.  We LOVE them, that is what we do.  It is so heartbreaking to be let down again.  You are doing the right thing by reaching out to us.  Thanks for being there for all of us, you are always helping others.  You can help yourself and your kids. 

I found that concentrating on treating myself with care as much as other people made me feel worthwhile.  We ARE worth better than the treatment that our alcoholics when active give us.  Remember it is the disease in action, making us hate the person we truly love.  It is the most heartbreaking thing to go through.  Hang in there, and know that my prayers and hugs are with you at this really tough time.  Pray, and go to meetings if you can.  I found that during my crisis I was praying sometimes 60 times a day it felt like.  I prayed for my A to find his path, whatever that may be.  I prayed for serenity and peace for myself.  Sanity for myself.

Take good care of yourself....

Love, HeidiXXX



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twinmom2


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(((FOY)))

I am so sorry you are going through this pain.  Glad you are taking time for yourself today to heal.  Keep being gentle and kind to you.  Keeping you in thoughts and prayers.

Peace to you and yours,
Twinmom~

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Diva


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Like everyone else, I am sorry you are enduring this pain.  But I would rather tell you that I know how strong you are; the boundaries are in place, the A ignored them, and you are doing what you must do for you and your children.  You are one of the resolute, resolved, and determined women I mentioned in a post before.  We are not all simple-minded weaklings squandering our self-worth.  Hooooray for you!  Hooooray for your kids!

Diva

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Karilynn


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(((((((Friend))))),

Diva couldn't have said it better.  Through all the hurt in your voice, there is also great strength and determination to have a better life for you and your children.  They can only blossom with a Mom like you. I'm proud of you.  I will keep you and your children in my prayers tonight and always.

Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty aww

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Friendofyours


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Thank you so much. I needed your words. I've been through worse and this too shall pass. ;) mwah...Thanks again.

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abbyal


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Your not stupid , for trusting what the A promises , we all believed the lies and promises we want this to work soooooooo bad we forget and hope that this time it will be different. unfortunatley it rarley is .   I am so sorry about your loss of the baby under any circumstances it s a tough one to deal with . 
Withholding money and themselves from family is the ultimate way to control ,  there is no thought to hurting children he is trying to hurt you .
Keep the focus on yourself and look after your own needs , social services will take care of support for you and the  kids , let the courts handle it , they will also help u re educate yourself so that u can support your family . it won't be easy but u can do it  . One day at a time .  Louise

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Friendofyours


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The courts can't do much. He is getting paid under the table. Really good money too. I won't see a dime because all he has to say is that he doesn't have a job. He owes this other woman 1200 and he's fifty thousand behind. I won't see any money....trust me on that. It all sucks. It breaks my heart so bad. I am so tired again tonight. Fathers Day is going to suck...my poor sweet babies.God give them the strength. xoxox

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