Being the wife of an A I have been seen as a saint, an idiot, a martyr, a moron, an incredible person, a crazy person, a understanding,sympathetic, loving person, a object of desire, hate and pain. And that was how I saw myself! And sometimes how I still see myself.

My best friend is living with a heroine addict who was just released from the mental ward being diagnosed bipoalr, add and tons of other stuff. He has beat her, mentally abused her, is using her for her money and a place to live. I know how she feels. Despite what he is putting her thru she loves him and is staying ( or letting him stay) because she also is sick. But she is taking care of him. Right or wrong it just is what it is for today. So, I was talking to her and knowing that she really needed a boost. I told her that we ( ones who love and take care of insane A's) should be seen as super heros. I know this is not very alanon to say but it was what made us feel better at the moment. I said regular people who don't have our super-human powers of love, patience, tolerance and empathy can't put up with the things we deal with on a daily basis. Regular people (normal people) look at us and say "NO WAY could I ever deal with THAT!" And they are right. They can't and they don't. We do, we deserve a cape! And a theme song! We got laughing so hard thinking about us flying in and saving the crazy alcoholics. Somebody should make a comic book out of the alanon situations we deal with. We deserve a metal, and the key to the city. Sipderman and Batman have NOTHING on us!

Well, I believe at one time I did see myself as messed up with low self-esteem and low self-worth.  Did I have mommy and Daddy issues?  Maybe.........., but now I feel more like Maya Angelou's version of "Phenominal Woman".  I'm not perfect never professed to be perfect.  I get bitchy, whiney, and hateful like the rest of us, but I found that I can love and be loved. 

I have been ridiculed and cajoled upon for my choices, I feel like that is what makes me... me.  I have never just followed the crowd just because and do not intend to start now.  So while I might have been that scared child and awkward teen who felt like she wasn't worth loving, she is healing and emerging into something that she has always dreamed of being.  Yes I chose an A to love and marry.  I knew what I was getting myself into, and I would do it again, even with all the BS.  It's because of the turmoil and hard times that I have had to look at myself and have had to expose the things about me that I don't like. 
I am where I am today because of what I have experienced.  I also would not have two of the most beautiful boys in the world if I had chose otherwise. 

So, if I am seen as weak, a martyr, or anything else by anyone, then I'd say they don't really see me. 

Peace,
Twinmom~