The material presented
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[FYI: My husband is an alcoholic (binges alot of wkends to the pt of passing out but doesn't drink the rest of the time).]
Anyway, my sister is in rehab and was able to have her first visit last Thursday - Thursday nights are family group nights. So my husband knows her and is (or seemed) supportive of me going to see her - he knew abt Thursdays and I even called and lft a message on his vm yesterday to remind him & told him there's such and such you can fix....so he wouldn't wonder where I was. I called him when I was on my way home and he answered the phone "WHAT!!??!" and ended up hanging up on me. I was already upset/pissed to begin with bc of some things my sister told me had happened to her when she was high the last time (which is why she finally checked herself in for treatment). To make matters worse my husband, who was tired from landscaping all day, was pissed when I got home and would barely talk to me. Pissed bc he was tired bc god forbid that OOOH he actually fed the baby boy and OHNO changed his diaper, and OMIGOODNESS had our daughter clean her room and WOAH watched her fall asleep on the coach!!!! Granted, my job is less stressful and strenuous, but MY job NEVER ENDS, I have a full-time job plus my job at home as a mom & wife - I do everything around the house - all of these things are what I do on a DAILY BASIS - I am CONSTANTLY multitasking at home. He helps me when we're both there - to feed or change the baby, give our duaghter a bath while I'm doing other things around the house - but when I'm gone he can't manage to do the kinds of things I do EVERY DAY before he comes home from work???? Why is it that I give and give and then I am supposed to take all of the crap bc HE'S tired - just bc I don't do landscaping work - does NOT mean that am not just as tired - especially emotionally. I am so tired of this rollercoaster from him - most of the time he's so sweet tries to do his part when he's home but then all of a sudden he'll pull something like this when he KNOWS he friggin KNOWS I DON'T NEED MORE CRAP FROM HIM - I CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE AT THE FRIGGIN SAME TIME!!!!!!!! I walked back to my room after I got home and just balled and screamed - I am trying to come to terms with my HP but I have moments where I am doing good with that and moments where I feel like I hate my HP - why did HP let my dad do what he did to my sister which is why she ran straight into a terrible relationship and when that fell apart everything he did came back to her and that's why she started using - I realize bad things happen to many undeserving ppl, but I don't UNDERSTAND IT, why do so many ppl have to be run through the ringer. I hate my father I hate him I cannot let that go. I cannot stop thinking about it and my husband is just making everything 10x's worse with all his bull-crap. I feel like I'm going to lose it.
Sometimes just posting will help you vent which I have found can help so much. I posted one time with some "why" questions and someone replied with "you will drive yourself crazy asking why?" We do what we think is right but I have found it's okay to set boundaries and to accept that I can't do everything all the time. Somethings can wait. I know my A frustrates me to no end at times......I then have to walk away or do things myself when I know he is going to take forever to do them.....be gentle with yourself.....You are a great person and seem to be there for everyone else....make sure to be there for yourself too.....I know at times it seems like "where will I fit that in" but it is so important for you!!! Hugs Mary
(((Gurl25))) Just breathe, those deep deep breathes. Sounds like you are dealing with a great deal of pain and frustration. I hate that all this seems to be heaping on you all at once. One slogan I have learned when that happens is "Easy Does It" and First Things First". The past can hurt, I know my past can creep up on me and cause havoc in my life. The good thing is... its the past, we're powerless over the past we'll never get it back. The only thing you have is Today. You can manage the 24hours of one day, even if you have to take it one minute at a time. Right?
I have had days like this, when everything seems to piling up on my shoulders and no one in my life is making it any easier. I am learning to ask myself, how important is it that the dishes didn't get washed? How important is it that my husband's needs don't get met tonight because what I really need is a hot bath and get my pajamas on and do something quiet. The kids are fed, bathed, and o.k. they're on the couch asleep so I'll just put them to bed, tuck them in, and give a kiss goodnight. I'll emotionally detach from AH because he's workin my last nerve and just be quiet with my thoughts. That's how I'm getting through nights like this lately, its working out pretty good, but it took me a while to learn how to emotionally detach and step back and ask me, what "I" need to take care of "me". If I'm not o.k., then it's going to spill over in every area of my life. One day at a time, Gurl. Keep coming back.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
My AH's jobs have always been physically straining. Mine have always been mentally straining. We used to get into arguements about how he would come home and fall asleep in his recliner while I had to do all of the chores around the house.....he was tired from working....but mental work can be just as exhausting. He never understood that until he had a job that involved mental work like I have had to deal with. He always thought that I just sat in a chair all day and stared at my computer......no stress there, right? HA. I should think so.
Hang in there......I know I have been there done that before. I am past that with my AH thank goodness.....but old problems only made way for new for me.
So sorry that you are going through so much w/your sister and having to deal w/your AH too. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks everyone, I needed to vent big-time - I'm calm now! But I can't say I'm not still mad/hurt at my husband. I have always tried to understand how ppl feel and be careful not to upset them when they're in a fragile state and I just don't get why he has to pull this at the worst of times.
(((Gurl))) I find when I am angry, obsessing, or can't get myself out of a funk - I usually haven't been taking care of ME. HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired; and that is usually what I am during those most stressful times. If I was able to detach, I could then find my way to a nice meal and good night's sleep...
yours in recovery, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
