The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
New here. Going to second meeting tonight. Husband is cocaine addict, not alcoholic but Al-Anon is still helping me tremendously.
My main problem right now is finding the balance between detachment and boundaries. I am hoping my meeting tonight will help. Plan on speaking for the first time. After the last two days, I could use some strength before he returns home from trip. I don't want to waste any more time fighting the same fights.
Been reading some of the posts here, and looking forward to the support offered here. :)
Welcome! alanon is a great journey. You will learn so much both on this board/ at face to face meetings and via literature (approved and unapproved) My H is a polysubstance abuser- mostly pot with alcohol binges. We all belong here. We're all different-- but all the same too. Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
balance takes along time for me , I tend to go overboard on anything that works , detachment to me is simply not play ing the games anymore , I stoped arguing or defending myself from the stupid arguments , no one wins with this disease . I detach from abusive language I dont' take on the attempts to make his problem mine . I love the man detach from the drunk . And as long as I remember that I am not the reason he drinks . I can detach Boundaries are different for all of us what may be accpetable to you isn't to me and visa versa , there is no point in discussing a boundary with the A in my opinion thats like waving a red flag in front of a bull . Boundaries are action when something is unexceptable to me I say so if it dosnt stop I remove my self from the situation . Only you know what is unexceptable to you . I taught him how to treat me , by my silence he assumed that what he was doing was ok with me . The first boundary for me was I told my husb to lower his voice and speak to me like he would anyone else or I was leaving the room . he didn't so I left the room . IT didnt take him l ong to discover that u cannot have an argument if there is only one person in the room . it was easy for me to do that as we had n o physical abuse in our home . good luck hope u found your answer at the meeting tonite . Did you happen to pick up the pamphlet on Detachment > if not email me and I will send it to you . Louise
When you keep doing the same things you keep getting the same results. I fought the same fights over and over again too. Then I realised if nothing changes nothing changes.
Remember the three C's: you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't change it. This was a tough one for me to grasp.
Keep coming back. There are many people here who care and understand. Yours in recovery, AM
hi there ((mosaicmax))) Glad you found us here at MIP. Good for you for going to f2f meetings and sharing. I know it's not always easy...but when your done..you wonder why was I so nervous. I have found on this board a lot of experience, strength and hope when I've needed it. I've learned to keep the focus on me and to take care of me. I learned I'm worth it!!! I too have felt I just want relief from all of this...the only way to do that for me was to allow myself the pleasure of taking care of me and my needs. Hope you keep coming back and posting...Sending you positve thoughts for the day. your friend in recovery, rosie
Glad you took a step to reach out to F/F meetings in your area. I think you will find the experience, strength, and hope you seek in those meetings and here on this message board. Keep posting your progress to us and sharing your experiences too, your experiences help our recovery as well.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
