The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This morning, at 4:00, my older son left after a four-day visit. Now this son is grown, he is educated and bright, doing well for himself, never a single problem with the law, gentle, kind, sober, never had a problem with abuse of any kind, and a real pain in the ass!!! He is an artist in the true sense of the word; creative, individual, moody...you get the picture.
I love this son with all my heart, and because he lives in Seattle and New Orleans, I don't get to see him as often as I would like. On the other hand, maybe that is just as well. Four days with him has me pulling my hair out with frustration. There is some little glitch that allows him to be disregarding of the comfort and convenience of others. For instance, he chose to fly back home at an ungodly hour, when flights leave from San Antonio hourly going in his direction. He wanted to take a bicycle home that he had left here in storage with me, so guess who gets to take it to the railway station and PAY the $60 for getting it to Seattle???? Now, I asked not once, but twice for the $60 bucks, request for which fell upon deaf ears, so I have decided to let him know that the bike gets shipped when the $60 gets here.
This man has friends all over the world, and when he takes a notion to travel, there is always a friend offering home and board simply to have his company...so I wonder if this is a mom-son sort of strain.
He has never married, but has the women falling all over themselves. He is straight as far as I know, but his romantic relationships do not seem to last. I believe that although women are immediately attracted to him, after a while the relationship breaks down because his art is what is most important to him, and he sees no real reason to be an architect - which he is - to make ends meet. He has a lot of money squirrled away, but day-to-day existence for him requires very little in the way of possessions. Maybe that is a good thing.
OK, so I am a material girl, and I do not understand how anyone can be happy with no wants or needs. Hence I worry about him, and cry when he leaves. I worry that he will always be alone, and I know, from our heart-to-hearts that he doesn't want to spend his life alone. He is so very dear, but there are his "different" ways that remove some of his luster. SOmetimes I just want to hug him and tell him that Mom will take care of him, and he need not worry about anything; then I wonder if he IS worrying about anything.
He is a hard one to figure out. I am an open book, and he is very closed and within himself. He can go days without speaking to anyone. He is not angry or upset, he says. Just not "in the mood." He is difficult at best, and at worst I do not want to be around him. The guilt tears me apart. He is, by the way, a world-class artist who no doubt will become famous posthumously, which I consider to be too much too late. LOL!!!!!!
Thanks to all for allowing me to wind down after this latest visit. I'll see him during the winter holidays unless I fly up to Seattle in the meantime.
I would never do or say anything that might compromise the relationship between me or any of my children, so I walk on egg shells when he is around. HELP!!!
Human after all,
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 10:49, 2007-06-13
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
The mystery of our children - never ceases to amaze me. Your son sounds like an interesting and wonderful man.
Glad you were able to enjoy part of the visit.
Now that you are busy putting your hair back in place & cleaning up the egg shells - lol - you know what we are here for - Wind down, vent away and being Human - hmm - I have suspected for quite a while now that you were all along :)
Take good care of You.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I don't have great words of wisdom BUT...Unless it was you that instilled any of his moodiness or what you consider odd behavior, DROP THE GUILT, Girl.
Some people are just "different" (especially artsy types) and we just simply aren't responsible for them. Most times they are different because they are, or almost genius.
I have two daughters. They are different as night and day. Everyone has their individual quirks that can have little to do with how they were raised. I think once they reach adulthood they have to find their own paths and make choices that are comfortable for them as a person, all the while building on who they are. Who they are may not be what we think is is best, but they are ours so we can only hope they find their best selves eventually.
p.s. good call on the bike
love ya Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
He sounds like a wonderful man. If this were my son and I did not see him very often I would probably also shed tears when he left.
I am not a material girl. I have people in my life who do not comprehend this one at all. There is very little in the way of material things that I want. My needs are also quite simple.
I would rather be surrounded by friends and family whom I love and who love me than by things. It is hard to explain.
Great call on the $60 for the bike.
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
Diva, In reading about your son I was getting a snap shot of my own son who is 4-years old. He keeps things to himself and often I'll say what cha thinking about and he'll say "nothing mommy". He's just my quiet contented child, since birth he's been that way. When he wants something oh he'll make it known alright.
I think every mom wants her children to be happy with their lives. It is funny how we spend most of their early years shaping and molding them. We know them so intricately. My mom would often say that she would worry about me because I was a quiet person too, and spent alot of time alone. I wasn't really alone though I had lots to keep me busy. Sounds like your son has alot of interesting things in his life that keep him busy too. I think your handling your feelings well, you know your worried, you care, and yet your giving him the space to be who he is. Thank you for sharing with us.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Have you read the book, "Einstein"? Einstein's behavior seems very similar to your son's. Einstein was very creative. He refused to conform to anyone's standards. He could be loving, then he could be very distant because he was very involved in his work. He was married a couple times, but never seemed to be lonely. It is a fascinating look at Einstein and his personality.
BTW....What type of art does your son delve into? I love artsy people. They are fascinating people.
I have read every thing I can get my hands on about Albert Einstein. Yes, my child is chilling like Einstein, complete with the super intelligence, quick wit, moody behavior, and dyselxia. My son is a painter, sculptor, photographer, writer of music, philosopher, etc, etc, etc. He is far beyond me intellectually which is why I have trouble understanding him. He is all the artists, musicians and all the great thinkers rolled up in a 6'2" gorgeous package.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I can tell he gets his intelligence from his Mom. It shows in the way you write. I have found that the people I have become friends with in Alanon are artists. It was a year after I started Alanon that I started meeting so many people who were creative and artsy. I wonder if there is a connection??? Are you into the arts at all Diva?
I was an opera singer, mostly Wagnerian, with a fair-sized opera company. Hence the nickname Diva. I say, "was" because I had another career too after my voice started to become less than brilliant. Music and the arts run rampant in my family. This will date me, but my dad played with the original Glenn Miller Orchestra, and was fortunate enough not to have been on the airplane when it went down killing Glenn Miller and several orchestra members. Mom danced with the Ballet Russe de Monte Carlo. I am 50 something. Yes, I have always been around arty people myself. Oldest son seems to have inherited a double dose. LOL!! He is beyond even my scope of understanding.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Ahhh..... he sounds like the typical artist to me, at least the ones I know. There is always a sort of aloofness to them. There's always a certain quirkiness to the artistic types having been around them all of my life. How many years did I spend with an opera company? I guess as long as he seems healthy and happy in his own world, that's great. It's not like he's sitting around doing nothing. What makes this world a fabulous place to live in is all the different types of human beings that inhabit this earth. Think of boring life would be if we were all living the life that others expected us to live. I do like the fact that you are standing your ground when it comes to shipping his bike. lol
Love and blessings to you and your family. Kiss the babies for me. Did you get your new puppy yet?
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
He is a hard one to figure out. I am an open book, and he is very closed and within himself. He can go days without speaking to anyone. He is not angry or upset, he says. Just not "in the mood."
Uhoh I just got a little glimpse of what my Mom must think sometimes LOL
There is always a sort of aloofness to them. There's always a certain quirkiness to the artistic types having been around them all of my life. How many years did I spend with an opera company? I guess as long as he seems healthy and happy in his own world, that's great. It's not like he's sitting around doing nothing. What makes this world a fabulous place to live in is all the different types of human beings that inhabit this earth. Think of boring life would be if we were all living the life that others expected us to live. 
I do like the fact that you are standing your ground when it comes to shipping his bike. lol
