The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am trying to do as Carolinagirl suggests and just sit tight and wait it out. The A is still alive barely. The way he looked ont the weekend was desperate. He has some under the table jobs (that is psychologically all he can do). The dogs are still alive. I still have a roof over my head but it is total chaos there and I am absolutely livid at the landlord for allowing that stuff to go on. I say very very little. I type up notes but I don't give them to him. I have complained though but I try to hold back because I would just unload.
In some ways this anger is much more manageable than my old anger which just turned inwards. I am livid but its not self destructive livid. I did stuff like move my plants out of the drunks way at the house I live in. How ironic that I leave an A and find more????
My reality is and I know I am always saying the A does not live in reality I dont have the money to move at the moment. The other reality is that having access to the truck helps. It is really super hard to be without a vehicle. I had one job for a while where I had to go to work 3 hours early because there was no public transit...
So I am willing to take it one day at a time. Everything in me wants to fix it all right now but I am willing to wait and see and try to take care of me in the meantime somehow someway. That means for me postponing lots of stuff like haricuts which I would dearly love in order to save funds but I can do that ...for now.
Wow Maresie your posts really amaze me. Taking care of yourself, doing the next right thing. You are very inspiring. I am trying to live within my means but I am so bad at it. I am better than I was but it is still so hard for me to do. So, from the other end of the spectrum I'll just suggest that if you want a haircut you should go get one. Some things we can't afford not to do. If it will give your spirits a lift the go for it. I have done things like that seemingly frivilious really turn my attitude around from martyr to human. And then I feel more hope, more joy and more strength to keep on. you really do inspire me..
Wow, you're so strong! I was reading your other post too about the A and all the things he's supposed to do and doesn't. SO like mine! I look back now and realize that I had become his mother and I didn't LIKE being his mother I guess I felt I had to. I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore. I don't have much sympathy for him anymore. He's a big boy and I have enough to deal with without all his problems. I think the problem before was that I just wasn't dealing with anything else but that, it consumed my life. Now I'm too busy to think much about it.
