The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I read a post about Intamacy, and wow, It has given me some food for thought. For the last few years, I have not gone near sex..Because I never trusted anyone enough to let them close to me. Last year I started having sex, as you all know. And It was like learning a new way of life for me...
And It all ended a few months ago, So for the last 4 months, nothing...And I have missed it. The man in my life ths "A" (Recovering), After me learning to detach from him, came back to me. We started having sex again....We have chemistry between us..lol We cannot get enough of eachother, And I would never have admitted this before Al-Anon, but. WOW...I am "Horny" all the time for him...lol (I am feeling my feelings for the first time).
I feel reborn, I'm finding out who Ally really is. What I enjoy, what I don't, Also what can I "Accept" in my life....
My problem today is just that..Can I Accept this relationship for what is is...Someone at f2f asked me last night, can I accept him for who he is.
Well I have been doing that for years. But I have always wanted, needed to analize "EVERYTHING" In my life, over and over again.
So the situation is:::::We both work long hours, do meetings, etc. Have no real social activities, no other people involved with us, male or female...Is this enough for us...
For some reason, He keeps comming back to me, everytime I try to let him go..He senses "BIG" changes is me..We are actually more comfortable in eachothers company, and It's so natural.... He came in the otherday and started telling me about an issue he has with his son, and I was gobsmacked.... I sat and listened to him. For once I did NOT have to drag a convo from him....
Could It be, although he is not able to commit, Is he realising he still Needs or wants me in his life. We discussed this last week and I told him, I wanted him In my life In some capacity.Can we build on this relationship. We are both at meetings, and hes working the programme right now.....
I know this has been an on going Issue in my life for the past 7 months....And It Is not just going away...I know we both need to discuss this, I also know I need to be tough with him..And not let myself go back to the painful place I was in not long ago...
Also he is the typical guy, "I don't need this emotion shit"..lol So If this Is the case, Why does he keep comming back. If this Is all about sex for him, He can go elsewhere and get it with NO emotional ties... No-one Is forcing him to return to us again..... Argggggggggggg...."MEN" lol
I'm doing really well, working long hours again, enjoying it, When I'm with him, he makes me smile, I drive him mad..lol
Life Is going okay for me...I am learning to live only for 24 hrs.....And It feels so good for me....I am trying to bring this relationship Into a 24hrs rule only...But hey, I'm still learning...
I am getting my self confidence back, I'm proud of what I have acheived In Al-Anon, and thank everyone who has listened to my endless venting..lol
I guess if you REALLY want to find out if it's about sex then you'd have to not have it and see if he still comes around..lol (pardon the pun). Yes, he could get it elsewhere but that may be too much work for him when he doesn't have to work at it all now.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm glad you've found more contentedness! I hope you can get your needs met, in every aspect, with this choice of relationship. My very own expectations tend to lead me into troubled waters - I need to work on just being joyous and free in my intimate relationships ((not that i have any... ha)) instead of analyzing and living in the future.
Love you cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
hi hen so glad u posted now i know ur still kicking lol ffs where ya been? i aint seen ya for the longest lol been gonna phone ya but dont know ur shifts dont really wanna phone when ur not at home or in bed with ur A hehehehe(only kiddin hen) NOT lol
Sex? What's that? Could someone refresh my memory (ha ha). All I can say is I hope you are using condoms and protecting yourself! I work with HIV+ clients by the way... just got a new one a 60 year old woman - no one is "safe".
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