The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got a little "love letter" from my wife last friday. It said that she knows that the drinking was a way to cope for her and that it has caused problems in our marriage.
Friday nights we normally try to get diner together as a family. The kiddo had plans with a friend so she and I went. Had a pleasant evening, although she ordered 2 large 16oz beers with here meal.
I didn't say anything and just took it as the "state of the state". A number of times since we are not living together she has said "I haven't been drinking", or "its been weeks".
The whole family planned on going out of town to a car race this weekend, and again had a good time and although she didn't get plastered... she drank steadily the whole time. But she remained plesant. She can do that, always could.
On the 18th she is moving to a new apartment and has signed a year lease. So I should assume she has no intentions of stoping... even if she says so.
Now, I know that contrary to Alanon dogma... this post has been all about her, but... really, it's about me sitting on the side watching all this happen. That is a very different experience for me. It's just as sad for her, and it doesn't at all mean I don't love her.... I do.
It is really an odd possition for me to be in, watching the marry-go-round instead of riding. I like it better than riding... that's for sure. Just unfamilure territory.
Just wanted to poke my head in and say Hi. I have really been busy at work and home now that it is summer. Know you all are always in my prayers and I will keep up in here as best I can.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Glad you poked your head in, and glad you let us know how life is for you at the moment.
Of course you love your wife very much. I think we all know that. I think she loves you and her family too, as you do. It just this bloody illness......I am so angry with the disease and what it does to loving families. It is so unfair.
I understand about watching the merry go round, rather than being on it. It's hard to get used to. Any change is hard though, even if it is for the best. You are certainly not alone. I think there's a whole crowd of us sitting watching the merry go round....
Glad you posted today. I do believe those small snipits of clarity are important for people, not just A's but everyone who is in a form of denial. I look at it as though little by little, piece by piece there are glimpses of reality and at some point all those pieces can come together. Glad you are doing well. You are in my prayers. Hope you are having a great summer.
Peace, TM~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Sometimes that's how it goes sometimes. My recent post was all about my boss. I'm sorry that you're hurting. But the good news is, she is reaching her bottom with dignity. She is making her choices without interference from you. That's a big deal. She can be responsible. Even if it is hurting you. I'm glad you're here to share with us.
Keeping you & your family in my thoughts & prayers. Regardless of where she decides to live, or what she decides to do, it obvious that you love your wife and are doing what you feel is healthiest for your family.
That's very, very brave, RT -
Wishing you Peace, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Thank you for sharing. I hope one day I too can watch the merry go round from the curb. I seem to watch it from the curb and then I blink and I'm on it again. It's so frustrating. I'm also looking for that inner peace you seem to have. This is also something I seem to be fighting with, some moments I feel it, and know it's going to be ok, and others all I can feel is my heartbeat in my chest, and the lump in my throat, and that horrible deep seated need to fix it, and my brain screaming that I cann't.
Yes, yes -- watching is much better for my self-esteem, serenity, and disposition. I, too, hear the same things: "I haven't drank in months" or "that part of me is over". Yet, I still receive drunken phone calls. Who knows if she even remembers! Not funny or cute, just sad. The cunning/baffling disease strikes again.
It's beautiful to see that you can still manage to give her the respect and kindness that is evident. My prayers to you and to her.
yours in recovery cj
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
There are moments I can watch. There are moments of clarity for me. There are also times when I cant' stand another second of it. I think what bothers me most is how it affects those around him. The dogs in particular. My dogs are so trauamtized by this I know. On the one hand I think they are devoted and bonded to the A on the other hand I think they've really suffered.
I could not find a way to move with them. I tried, I stood on my head and tried. Now I am trying again and really I get offered a lot of promises oh yes I'll get you rescue groups and none materialise. And then I get bitter and angry and wonder why people offer and don't deliver.
i had one woman once offer me a room, oh yes you can come stay with me. I was all ready to go. I was feeling hope then she called and said Oh I changed my mind but don't worry I'll take the dogs. yeah right.
yeah right.
No wonder I stayed with the A there are some days I want to give up and when someone offers just say oh yeah right. What does that mean the email that never arrives again? the rescue group that oh doesn't exist really. yeah right.
Well all I can say is that you handled it much better than I did. I couldn't stand to go over to my sister's and watch him drink, especially after he got out of rehab. She knew he relapsed but I was ashamed of him all the same. I don't like admitting that, trust me.
It is hard to feel like you're kind of on the outside looking in. I often wondered what was going to happen to the A and I. But I always try not to project because that's when I can get really into trouble. Staying in the moment is the safest place for me.
Always glad to see your smiling face. Have a wonderful summer. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
So glad you poked your head in, I haven't seen you in a while... though sorry to hear of your pain. It is a different situation, to watch on the outside, but you are right, so much better than riding along. You have grown so much, and of course you love your wife. I pray that she finds the path that she needs to find, and you find peace with your life... you have helped so many people here. Thank you so much for being here... we need you!!!
P.S. Nice of you all to get together as a family still, the kids I know will appreciate that when they get older, to see you still trying to be a family even though separated...
