The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just have a few minutes before I leave my office for a busy weekend, but I wanted to share bits this wonderful discussion I had with a fellow Al-Anon from my f2f group. . .
She was struggling with and beating herself up because she had feelings for someone who has an addiction.
My HP lead me to say these words . . . It's ok to love an Alcoholic, addict or someone who suffers from a disease. You are not a bad person because you have feelings for someone who has a disease. It is not a character defect to care for your spouse, child, significant other, parent or friend even though they are struggling with some type of addiction.
It may not be healthy for you to be around them or to have contact with them at some times, but it is still ok to love them.
Just what I feel the freedom of recovery has given me, I'm not a bad person because I love my husband who suffers from many forms of addictions and my daughter who also has addiction issues. I'm not and I believe neither are you.
Helped my friend let go of some of her guilt and shame - hope it helps others.
Wishing you peace, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Thank you for posting this, I think for me there are some people in my life that struggle with my decisions of loving my husband even though he's an addict. This is something I had to come to terms with this myself, that there is a distinction between my husband and his addiction. There is no shame in loving people, the heart knows what the heart wants. You are right that sometimes it is unhealthy to be around them, but its still o.k. to love them. Have a wonderful weekend.
Peace, Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I agree....as long as we are taking care of ourselves on a daily basis (sometimes on a minute to minute basis), I love my A with all my heart but I have learned to set boundaries, learn when to walk away (usually when the disease is talking/acting out), I am learning as I grow.....what I can change and what I can not....it is a wonderful journey at times......Hugs to you!!!
I agree. But along with loving an addict, whether he/she be addicted to drugs or alcohol, comes the the need to have our heads on straight and our priorities lined up. That means the addict has no right to abuse either physically, verbally, or mentally. I guess I just can not go along with the, "but I love him" excuse. . Ah, but I digress.
Loving an addict certainly does not make one a bad person. Stupid, maybe; bad, no!!!! (Notice the smile on my face before you start jumping up and down.)
Best to all,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
You are so right. I've always said: "I fell in love with my husband, the man, not the addict." He loves me no less because I have high blood pressure. I agree with Diva though about the abuse. You have to love yourself enough in order to recognize when the relationship is unhealthy. Your friend was lucky you were there to comfort here. Have a wonderful weekend.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I know!! Most of the few people in my life who know about my husband's alcholism don't see it as a disease. They define him based upon it. They make me feel guilty for loving him. I feel like I'm seen as less or "messed up" in those people's eyes because I still love him, or I have "daddy issues", because I still have hope in him, and am still with him. We don't love the disease, we love the person, the disease DOES NOT define the person we fell in love with or still love. Thanks for posting this.
