The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been in al-anon for several years, been through several A marriages, but never one to quit (me or the A, lol). now I am married to someone who drank A, but says he isn't...although he says he knows the spider veins in his face are from the drinking, and the memory loss. He is clean and sober for a year now and I believe he is on a road to recovery that I've never seen outside AA. He works a program, goes to church, works hard, and stays focused on staying sober. I'll have to admit there are some dry drunk tendencies, but not many. We ARE getting better with time, I was so pessimistic at first, only thought one could get sober through AA, but am beginning to suspect otherwise. Does anyone else out there no of someone that has beat this disease by working a program with their HP, without AA, just maybe church affiliations, or other spiritual support systems? I still go to my Al-anon meetings, and that is my strength. It is a bone of contention with him, since he says he's not A, but I state that the program is for me, not him, and I still go. He is beginning to see the benifit for me. I go for me and will continue to get the e,s & h I need to keep on keeping on.
Sounds like you have the solution...for you. Might want to take him out from under the microscope and do some major time saving using acceptance. Of course AA isn't the end all and be all for sobriety. It does work best though and that is a well known fact. My alcoholic/addict son has been clean and sober for many years and that of course includes the dry drunks and chaotic, insane periods of time. He hasn't used or drank even though at times it would be hard to guess that he hadn't. I have been at his side when he could hear an O'Douls talking to him thru his refrigerator door and would not drink it. I have had those experience talks with him when I explained that the single O'Douls behind the door was like having a mistress waiting. He nodded to all of Dad's ESH. He knows and I know and he is progressing without a single AA or NA meeting. For someone who comes from addiction on both sides of the family (He and wife) they are doing remarkedly well. I don't invite him or her to meetings with me either Al-Anon or AA cause what they are doing seems to be working for them. When the family does come over to talk about what is going on that they think needs changing...They get the program from both my spouse and myself and we don't call it the program. We let them live and they let us live and we all seem to be doing well. I've got a tad over 28 years in Al-Anon and 19 in AA. My last dry drunk episode was about 2 months ago. I relapse in my Al-Anon program almost daily. I do Al-Anon most. I get most from Al-Anon.
Awsome that he has made it through his first year! Congrats on your recovery too! My f-i-l has had 20+ years sobriety without AA. He worked a program through his church. Mine has just passed his 1 year as well. He has done it with a combination of things: AA, good counceling and a really good support system. One thing to remember: an A never beats this disease. They continue to recover. The moment they think they have beaten "it", is the moment they become cocky and prone to relapse.
Each person, each addict has their own method of recovery. Since we are not cookie cutter personalities, recovery is not a cookie cutter science. We each have to find our own path.
Love and blessings to you and your family. Keep up the great work.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Someone in my family has been sober without AA or any program for 25 years now. He quit when a doctor told him if he didnt he would die from liver problems in less than a year. He had also seen other close family members die from the disease, so he quit "cold turkey".
The drinking stopped. The thinking and behaviors did not.
Good for you for continuing to attend YOUR al-anon meetings in spite of pressure from him. Like Jerry said, keep the focus on yourself. Live the program's principals. Who knows he might see the benefits and start going himself! But even if he doesn't, like you said, Al-anon is for you and we ALL benefit from your being a part of this program.
this reminds me of that link i posted the other day about alcoholism having about a 5% remission rate. Every year 5% quit with no help and just don't do it anymore.
Java, Maybe the good benefits he sees you modeling will inspire him to go too. Ya never know. I have known people who have gotten sober and healthy by using their HP, church programs and the counsel of a pastor. Not sure if they had accepted that they had the disease of A'ism, but certainly realized they could not drink like others and decided to clean up their life. I see those people happy and successful. I've also seen a couple of them relapse, but then get right back on the program. Most of them appear to have a very strong spiritual connection to their HP and very involved in their church. I've seen that those good relationships with either church members of pastor is a form of accountability just like a sponsor would be. So, I guess it is possible for some. If your A has found this for himself and he feels good about it, I'd say do what works. Thanks for sharing that with us today.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Makes me think of how we want our A (or any ill loved one) to get the RIGHT treatment, the BEST treatment, the ONE THAT WILL WORK!!
This may be OK with cancer or heart disease, but alcoholism has baffled doctors into throwing up their hands in defeat for centuries. This probably won't change. There's too much personal will involved, unlike more conventional disease.
And yes, if Alanon principles are applied thoroughly :D , what the A does to recover is soley their own choice, not ours, and we need to stay out of the way just like always.
Me and the other folks I worked with at the rehab used to go back and forth . . . there were the 12 step believers, and a smaller set convinced cognitive/behavioral therapy was the way. What it boiled down to, to ME and my understanding, was a spiritual experience on the A's part, no matter what "program" he or she worked.
I don't remember "resounding agreement" from the coworkers who'd been sober for years.
Hello Java , it says somewhere in our literature that we don't have the right to choose the method of recovery for anyone but ourselves . I hated that hehe actually I think it's on our detachment pamphlet. I have known several people who have recovered with out AA . as long as they are changing thier lives , treat you with respect and dignity there is not much more a girl can ask for . And like u said u keep working your program and regardless You will be okay. U might want to add him to your gratitude list . hehe Louise
My A has been completly sober for about 9 months now. He was down to binging once or twice a year. So far, so good this year, all on his own! I don't believe he had ever been on any program at any time in his life. When his youngest daughter was born, he quit cold turkey for about 10 years. I guess when I met him 10 years ago, he had been binging a lot in the previous year or so. His wife had kicked him out, and he was living at his cottage. I hadn't had any experience with an A before in my life till I met him, and we had some pretty rough times in our relationship. I think our turning point was when I found Alanon (this board to be exact!!) and when I learned to take the forcus off him and put it on me. My detatching was a major turn-around for both our recoveries. I have never spoken about Alanon other than to tell him I come to this board. I'm not even sure if he remembers it. We were in a very serious vehicle accident where he nearly died, and was in a wheelchair for about a year. Everyone told him he would never walk again. This is where his stubborness and strong willpower kicked in! He not only walked, but went back to being captain of his lobster boat, actually more than captain, because he and I would haul over 300 traps a day on our own!! Believe me, that was HARD work!! So, it can be done!! Miracles DO happen! This board (well named), our HPs, and a lot of love have brought us to this point. Love, TLC
I think its possible to not drink without meetings, but I can't imagine its much fun I use to tell people I can accomplish for myself everything I can get out of a meeting - but it takes all my waking time and all week to get in a good head space whereas it only takes an hour if I go to a meeting.
My f-i-l has had 20+ years sobriety without AA. He worked a program through his church. Mine has just passed his 1 year as well. 
