The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Someone had a part of the ODAT posted online. It discussed broken promises and how our past childhood can affect our feelings on the present. For example, if a SO shows up late or doesn't show up at all, it is our reaction of being upset that is wrong not the other person for breaking a promise.
I don't think this seems right. This is basically saying that if I show up late for work everyday and my boss fires me then it is my boss who is overreacting. This seems really farfetched to me. Has anyone else read this in ODAT?
I do know what you are talking about, but cannot reference the part in CAL. I struggle with the same thought but when I put it into perspective and look at my own serenity it makes more sense. I think it has to do with expections and resentments. If we expect a certain behavior to occur, even though it is not likely to and probably not possibe, especially if a person is in active addiction, then we are simply setting ourselves up for resentment and disappointment.
I suppose at some point we need to accept that this is just how a person is, not accept that the behavior is acceptable, just that it is what it is and move on to the next part. Is this behavior acceptable to me, I use the Serenity Prayer here. If the behavior is one that I find unacceptable, then I am then I have a responsibility to myself and my serenity to change what I can, and accept what I cannot change.
Not sure if this is making sense, but... not it is not okay to be late, but I cannot change that person. I can only change me and my expectations.
Another thought.... when dealing with alcoholism...we are not dealing with norms....but we do need to preserve our sanity and serenity.
