The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A is staill saying with the brother. He is at wits end over his behavior. He said he kicked him out but I thnk he has doen that in the past and the A still went back.
I have no idea how or where he is living in the day. I can only imagine he is staying in the brother's room totally depressed and desperate and at a certain point goes out with the dogs for a while.
He lost the many leashes I had for the dogs. I don't even know if he has a leash for them.
One thing I get frustrated about when people suggest doing stuff and I know it is just a small bit int he frustration of dealing with the A at all is that I don't have the dogs or even access to them. I don't even know where they are!
If I had them I would be taking care of them. I'd be making arrangements for them. I dont' have them so I am limited in just being grief stricken and angry about the mess the A makes. He makes a mess of every single thing. He made a huge mess of how we left the duplex. I have to pay for it! He makes a mess of moving he spends all his time on it and doesn't work. He lives in total la la land and I can't let him know what reality is.
He' s not there.
I feel immensely guilty and alone and isolated and shut out and fed up. I also feel exhausted. I have spent a lot of time trying to track him down and got nowhere. I did have a few "real" conversations with the brother but that's about it.
I have options. I don't like any of them
i continue to work. I'm currently working two jobs. I live in one room which is hotter than hell right now and it is really difficult with my two cats. I have terrible allergies and feel awful. Needless to say thanks to the enormous amount of time I have to put in on all of this i have not been able to see a doctor. My therapist who was somewhat supportive is not someone who is available to me now. i could try to go to a support group tonight but quite frankly I am totally exhausted from walking around trying to find where he has hid himself with the truck. I got nowhere with that. i gave up looking for him when I first came to Al anon and now I've had to go back to that because I can't bear the thought of my dogs in pain and not fed.
There are times when I can barely stand up with the emotional pain.
i feel absolutely and totally betrayed by his actions and behavior and at the same time I know he is incredibly sick an desperate and ill. I feel hurt beyond measure and devastated and the only gratitude I have is that I can work (admittedly I am exhausted) and I can go somewhere at night where he isn't screaming or inviting people or smashing stuff up.
well the issue with finding the dogs is that I don't have a place to keep them. I would have to put them in the pound temporarily and their stay there would be short. If they remain with the A I have time to work on the possibilites of a foster home.
I really cannot be out at night looking for him all night. That is not something I can physically do, emotionally do or realistically do. I don't know where he is. I know where he is maybe one hour a day. I have no phone number. I have a mail box with him that's it.
So no i am not able to take you up on your suggestion I do not have the means to take that control int he first place. One reason I did not leave the A was because I was trying for moths on end to resolve these issues. I never got anywhere. I had offers of places but I did not have the funds or means to get there. I repeat no one no one would help me with the physical move. They all stood off.
One thing that really galls me is that when the A had this last mental or alcoholic relapse whatever you want to call it I called his mother. I told her he has no where to go. She hung up on the phone on me. before then she called him and gave him a speech about her happiness and her husband (the new one) got on the phone too and told him that there was going to be nothing that got in the way of their happiness. She is one person who could come out and persuade him to stop acting so crazily (she has done it in the past). Now she has a new husband she chooses not to. And I think really what he is waiting for is her to do that.
I think he is also just on total self destruct and like a snowball taking everyone with him. he doesn't care about the dogs at all otherwise he would make arrangements with them. He is just living in his fantasy land and if his fantasy doesn't come out the way he wants he sulks and screams and acts out.
Personally i think he has crossed a line where he can't come back now.
