The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
for 7 years I have been dealing with the A;s messes. I knew if I was ever to break away from him it would be an unholy mess. There is no quesition it is. I had to take off yesterday from my part time job to process documents. Now I have to do the same tonight. It costs me a fortune to fax, send stuff by courier and more. I took weeks to prepare the legal documents. I am 10 days away from a hearing and even then I will not have my truck.
I am looking at weeks of negotiations around rent I have to pay while the A lived at the duplex we lived in with the homeless couple. I was not even living there and I have to deal with it.
I have spent the larger part of my life in the past few years dealing with his messes, his reckless driving, his expenses, his emotions. I have spent very little dealing with my own self care.
I am worn out, angry, grief stricken and fed up and I am by no means out of it.
I can only imagine what kind of mental state he must be in to have such an unholy mess but at the same time its the norm for him. I think its also the norm for me its always one mess after another.
The A's actions have broken me down to practially penniless, my health is broken, my mental health was hot and I am trmendously isolated. For my own sake and for my future I have had to break it off.
Yet even after all this if he were to promise to try to get sober I'd be willing to interact with him. i think in some ways I am unable to let go of my own la la land about the "promise" of the relationship. What it might be rather than what it was (which was always an unholy mess) and the "promise" thjat he could love me. Clearly he loves no one right now and is a mass of impulse, self destruction and denial yet I can believe in one second he could be better. The truth is for him better will be years down the road not in my time.
i really don't want to be in reality either. i want to believe he could turn around when there is a very very very small remote possibilty he could do that. Given his history it is highly unlikely.
Oh Maresie, I hate to see you so down. You are such a sweetheart, and you deserve so much better. I just wish there were something I could do! I am praying for you dear lady. Wish I could send you a knight in shining armour to rescue you. I have mine here, but dang! that armour gets rusty near salt water. (did I get 1/2 a smile?) Sending you love, hope and prayers, TLC
Good job posting and reaching out for support. You are very strong, even though you may not feel that way now.
I remember well meeting you on this board, before even the smallest thought of plan B entered your mind. I watched as you soaked up the knowledge that was shared with you and took steps toward plan B and a future for yourself. Halting steps at first, sometimes a step back, but always, growing and learning and showing tremendous courage. Mary you are doing it. You are saving your own life! You have power and strength and are very much loved.
It is natural to grieve for what could have been. "Look back, but don't stare" is what a good friend on this board told me.
When I too executed my plan B and suffered through the change.
Today, 2 years out I am strong, phyisically, morally and mentally. Truly a gift of this program.
(((Mary)))
Hugs while you trudge
In support
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
You are working so hard at getting your life squared away. It is hard and painful work, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. "this to will pass"
When I have big things to do, I often get overwhelmed with the enormity of it all, but when I pick at it one piece at a time... it gets done. You are doing so well.
What is very important to remember is that you are worth it, you deserve to have a happy life! I really relate to the inner voice saying ... "if only they would get some help"
I do it daily, and I have to remind myself that although there is always hope... I deserve to take care of me in the mean time. Waiting indefinitely for the world to change to make me happy has not worked in the past. IF... they turn themselves around, then we can jump off that bridge when we get there. ;)
I hope you can push through these things and see a new tomorrow rising from the ashes... its there!!! And it's all yours for the taking!
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
