The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, days. Several goats got into the chicken scratch and pigged out. My best milker (in my avatar) was dead this morning with an orphaned baby. Two others need constant care, there is goat diarrhea everywhere. Of course my A is off on a binge, not that he could have been helpful other than to run into town for me to get supplies and medicines.
The downside of farm life, for sure.
Why am I even writing this, it's an Alanon board, but Alanon principles have completely turned my everyday life around for the better, not just in relation to my A.
The veterinarian refuses to help for semi-understandable reasons, but still. I did not "lose it" on the phone with them. I thanked the office dragon lady for her time as if she'd actually been helpful, we must maintain our decent relations, he's the only vet around who does livestock. I have to think of the future here.
Several times I've just felt like giving up, you know that feeling when you want to crumple on the ground and quit. But forging my relationship to my HP has kept the connection opened, and just when I thought I couldn't make another move, HP infused me with whatever it is, and I said to myself, "Just get up and do it!" and I got up and did it. Because I received strength when I needed it, I feel I've done everything I possibly can for the remaining sick goats.
I also could wallow in fear, of having a bunch of orphaned goat kids, but I'm not going there. It's a blessing, and if it happens, I'll find some way to deal with it if the time comes.
My mind keeps going back to my A of course. I desperately want to blame him for something, but working the Alanon principles and ideas doesn't let the blame go too far. But the thoughts are there . . . if he were HERE as he's supposed to be, he could have helped, he could be driving 154 miles round trip to another vet who MIGHT give me IV fluids . . . he pressured me about feed costs and so I let the goats out to browse all the green stuff, and that's when they got into the chicken scratch . . . but none of it is his fault, none. If any, it's my own fault, and the goats for being such pigs (that is just how they are). So instead of rekindling the rage and pain of living with an actively using A, I am not. I still have to be functional, I still have to try and save my sick goats. Is there a "First Things First" Alanon slogan, or am I borrowing it from somewhere else?? Still, it fits. Put one foot in front of the other. Grieve, bury the poor goat who died, and do what I can for the others who are still ill.
I just needed to write to you all and connect. Thank you for 'listening', I know you are all there and it means the world. Pray for me and my poor goats, that we get through this come what may, do our best and accept the rest.
oh this is awful. dang, yep part of it, dummies get out and raise havok. I am so sad you lost your goat. I sure hope the others will be ok. dang it. Would one of the other mom goats take this moms?
you are doing your best to provide for your family. A huge task. AH is so sick.
I will email this gal who's goats did this, bbl love,deb
Aw, thanks Deb. I've got one more who I'm pretty sure is dying right now, I can't get her up, not even her baby gets her attention.
The first orphaned kid drank a bunch of milk from a bottle!! Thank God!! Another bottle baby but it's a life saved, and he's a precious little fellow.
One foot in front of the other. It's almost surreal, I'm crying more or less constantly, but just doing what I can in the midst of what must be one of the worst days of my life.
So sorry about the momma goat and the others that are sick. I don't know anything about farming but I know alot about being attached to animals and loving them. I agree in these situations of crisis "First things First" is the appropriate slogan. Sounds like you are doing everything you feel is the next right thing to do for the animals and yourself. Remember to breathe and take time for you to reflect.
Peace to you, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
(((HUG))) I still remember reading a story about a goat that used a basket for a hat. He got hungry and ate the basket. Sounds like fiction isn't too far off of fact. I'm really sorry you're having a rough day. I'm really glad you came to share.
Wow, what a real crappy day. I too am sorry about your lil goat there and the one that is sick. My co-worker has two pygmy goats. They are just the cutest darn things especially when the bleat.
What amazes me is your recovery, your awareness, your program. WOW!! You are doing amazing and when this is all over you are going to be so darn proud of yourself for the way in which you handled things in a mature way and the greatest thing is there won't be a need to make any amends I love it when that happens.
Way to go coming here to post and knowing where you can get support and encouragement.
Keep coming, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I can't see a single one of you but I FEEL all of you, I'm so grateful!
The three sick goats are still alive, somehow. The one I thought was dying may still be, but somehow she's holding on.
This is not just a sad day, it is a catastrophe in terms of a dairy goat herd. A bunch of orphaned kids and no milk to feed them, in other words. Of course I can go to the store and get cow's milk which they do fine on, it's the "farmer's economic mind set" that gets shot to hell. Mouths to feed and no 'return'. I've got people wanting to buy cheese and goat kids, and possibly milk. It's like in the old days when the locusts would come and destroy a year's crops. So far, only one goat has died, and this is me going into the future, OK, but I'm looking at it calmly. One poor dead goat is not the end, but I'm looking at losing four of seven. Still, calmly. Or numbly. But it's beyond my reach, and I feel like that is true.
Well, back out there. Reading your replies has yet again given me a second wind. I hope to get some time to do my usual forum reading later tonight.
I don't know if this will help but you can get certain meds through 1-800-pet-meds. I hate to see you lose animals. I would do an online search for vets to help you online. I really hope that you can save these poor animals. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You and your animals are in my prayers. God will help them, he always does.
Hi guys, I did lose the second very ill doe last night, but the other two sick ones look a little better today. Here's HP in action: I went into town to get Pedialyte and there was the county ambulance being washed down by EMTs . . . I got six bags of IV fluids!!!!
I felt this strong urge to just go into town NOW rather than deal with the next goat. It's like some part of me "heard" the window of opportunity opening, though I didn't expect what happened.
So they got the fluids. I dealt with the bodies, and now I'm going to rest. And eat Doritos. I promise I'll eat real food a bit later.
So far, no A waltzing back home. This intense and painful time has been partly about him, too, though remarkably I don't think much about him when he's gone. I've thought more about him this time, because I really could have used his help for what it's worth. In a way, he's so self centered and volatile he probably would have been too much to bear in all this pain, so perhaps HP strikes again. I really was not alone, was I? He would have been begging for attention or acting out in some way.
There's a whole bunch of new information for me in this terrible situation, and it will take time to process it, but I'm hopeful. Thanks to all for thinking of me, praying for me, and offering your condolences. It helps me and gives me strength.
there won't be a need to make any amends 
I love it when that happens.