The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well my A b/f got out of jail @ 1 today. I didn't bail him out or even answer his 50 calls from jail. I was very proud of myself! He called and said that he was coming over to get his stuff out.. he showed up drunk. I was nice to him until his attitude kicked in. I got the kids out and left him alone! He called his x wife that is 9 months pregnant to help him move his stuff! I came back alone so that he could get his tools out of my suv.. big mistake.. he started being mean and grabing me so I walked to a friends house where my kids were. I am not anwering his calls! I still love him and at the same time I hate what i've let him do to me. I know now that I can't be around him at all !!!!! He didn't get all his stuff so I plan on taking it to our storage so that he doesn't come back here. I have so much anger inside! any advice on how to get rid of it? I will continue to pray!
Sorry I forgot to say that after he grabed me I called the cops and told them that he was moving out and that he was drunk and to watch out for him ! The cops came up to him and said that they got a call that he was driving with his 5 yr old in the truck.. Yea the cops really messed that one up! Oh well now he is really pissed at me for calling.. maybe now he will stay away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOu did the right thing to call the cops. YOu had a right even earlier when he 'started being mean and grabing me I walked to a friends house where my kids were". YOu have a right to protect yourself and your kids. Smart move leaving your kids at the friends house. Also calling your "50 times" is harassment and you can get an order of protection against him.
I've been down this road before, unfortunately, and you always have to put yourself and your children's safety first. Al-anon doesn't give advice, accept in this instance, if you are in danger, or your children are in danger of getting physically hurt...get out (like you did) you can always decide what to do permenantly later.
Love yourself enough to stick to your boundaries that you have set....don't let him call you. I know I'm not supposed to give advice, but I just went through this myself tonight. My estranged husband came by and wouldn't leave and I had to call the police on him. Your Idea of putting his stuff in rental space is good as long as he won't take your stuff that's there too. I'm sorry, this sounds like advice, and I realize it, but this hits SO close to home.
Whenever I give him a chance to get "in" my head, I lose. So the best advice I can give myself is don't give him free rental space up there! lol
My prayers are with you. Take care of you and your kids.
Good post and good growth! Allowing the alcoholic to face the consequences of their choices is one of the hundred things we learn to do within "letting go" and detachment. When I first got into program I use to hear older members talk about the program being a "SYA" program and I didn't know what they mean't by that until I got over the fear of asking. They told me that the Al-Anon program was a "Save Your own A**" program and that it was very necessary for me to learn how to protect myself regardless of how my alcoholic reacted to it. I learned that very well and still am practicing it today. I have to!
By the way my last career was as a mens' case worker in a local Alternatives to Violence program. Just some information and not a suggestion...If he did a "hands on" number with you...he placed himself in front of another consequence he should experience again...the jail cell. They have AA in jails and prisons here I know from the experience of doing service there. They may have them also at your local lock up. The process starts with filing a complaint and going down to your local womens' protection provider and askin for a TRO. Temporary Restraining Order. This is a tool that could save your life and the lives of your children. Often times it is the non-drinker/alcoholic - addict that dies as a result of the drinking or using.
As a sister in recovery and this family I would encourage you to use anything within your reach to save your own a**. You love an alcoholic who has the ability and mentality and attitude to do more very serious damage in your life and the lives of the children.
SYA is part of your recovery journey. You got my support!!
Good for you stepgirl. The sooner this loser is out of your life and your childrens' lives, the better. THis is no "Daddy" role model for them. I feel most sorry for 9-month-pregnant wife that the louse left high and dry in the first place. I am sure, if she has any sense, she doesn't want him, but he does have a financial responsibility if nothing else.
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I'm proud of you... nobody has a right to grab you -- of course, unless you want them to be grabbin -- that is some REAL progress. You made a boundary, he crossed the line, and you held him to it. Good on you.
When I started employing program into my everyday, I do know it confused the HELL out of my wife. I put boundaries in place, and held her accountable. She was so used to walking all over me (because I had let her) that she didn't understand why I would not want her to!! Well, I changed. It took some pain and courage, but I changed. Love is the tricky part, yet I had to stick by my guns -- my line to her usually was "I love you and care for you a great deal, but I can't live a happy, fulfilling life with active addiction involved."
Keep up the awesome work, and KEEP COMING BACK!!! with love, cj
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
-- that is some REAL progress. You made a boundary, he crossed the line, and you held him to it. Good on you.