The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a bit confused today. My AH stopped by to see the kids last night on the way to an AA meeting. I wasn't excited to see him. I was happy but not oveerly excited. I wasn't sad that he couldn't stay long. It was almost a relief when he left. I want him to come home when he isn't here. I miss him. But after seeing him last night I think do I really want him back yet. I am scared to feel to happy or joyus with everythng going on. I feel that if I do I am giving up on my marriage and him. I am feeling more positive. (most of the time). I have actually enjoyed spending time with the children. It almost seems to soon to feel happy again. I have been doing alot of reading and journaling and getting my feelings out. If anyone has any words of wisdom that would be great. Reading all of your posts is really great, to know that there is people out there like me.
Hello Janey , you don't say if yu are attending al anon meetings for yourself , if not I hope u consider doing so . Everyone needs to change not just the alcoholic , I understand your confusion and fears as I have been there myself ,like you I decided I needed to give our marriage a chance should sobriety come our way , and thanks to Al-Anon keeping the focus on me and finally understanding that there was nothing I could do about him I stayed . that was 19 yrs ago have not been sorry . There are no guarantees in sobriety neither of our programs promises to save marriages but does promise to return sanity to our lives if we do what it says on a daily basis . I ahve learned that regardless of what he does I will be okay . Support his efforts in sobriety but look after your own needs , you only have to do this ONe day at a time . find meetings obtain a sponsor and make new friends who have been where your at and can help u walk thru this . It truly is a life altering experience rediscovering yourself . good luck Louise
One of the most difficult things about dealing with a family member in recovery is the limbo the whole family is cast into. It's impossible to know how the future will turn out, if the alcoholic will get sober and stay sober... there's just no way to know. But life goes on, and can't hang on the alcoholic's next move - we're already used to living that way!
Paraphrasing something normally read at f2f meetings here: "We can receive serenity whether the alcoholic is drinking or not". Yes, it's possible to achieve some peace and serenity even if the alcoholic is still drinking. But conversely, if the alcoholic does get sober, it doesn't mean we should abandon our Alanon program - it's still about US!
Louise already said it. Coming into the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups often means that you will be with many recovering members of this family who have been where you are at now. Many answers and suggestion are with them and with others on this recovery site.
I would rather (today) hang with a person who has 19 years in this program than even attempt trying to figure this all out by myself again. The disease drove me right thru the front doors of insanity and had it not been for the miracle of finding the AFG. I doubt very seriously if I would be alive today.
There is probably several hundreds of years of recovery on this site and the experience, strength and hope from those years is all yours for free! You just have to keep coming back and asking for it.
