The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, as normal, any holiday or celebration seems to dredge back all those old memories and dreams. Mother's Day was no exception for me either.
My 18 yr old daughter (grandaughter I raised) is ready to graduate the 25th; which is exactly 40 yrs from the day I graduated and my birthday. Even with all the things we've gone through, I think it is so awesome of my God to arrange it that way! He can be pretty sneaky sometimes. lol
She called and asked what the plan was for Mother's Day, and I told her my other daughter had invited us all over to her new home. This is the mother of the other grandaughter I have had here since November, the one whose father was killed in a car wreck last summer. My son who is bipolar and addicted, I have not heard from; the person he is living with called me to tell me my son had no meds and was not in good shape at all and he didn't think he should bring him. Okay, so I, my hubby, grandaughter and 18 yr old took off to go to daughters house. She had called earlier to check to see if we were still coming. When we got about half way there, she text messaged us to see if sandwiches were ok ...we said yes. Then she messaged again to ask us to stop by the store and get the stuff.......we said no, she could since she said she was in town anyways. We got to her house and ...she's not there. We waited a while and she came in with some sandwich supplies. Well, anyways, we fixed ourselves a sandwich. She could not sit down long enough to visit with us. It was very uncomfortable. She kept getting up and going off to other rooms. Hard to explain .... we know she does some drugs, and has really been in a bad place before and since she lost her husband. Anyway, we finally came home. She did give me a nice picture as a gift ..... my 18 yr old gave me a gift .... and a card that says..." Thank you for everything. Thank you for always being there no matter what. You may not think so but you are a great mom. I love you."
After I got home, I read the card, and that part of me said...??? then why did you leave home in December so angry and saying such hateful, hurting things to me??? I know part of the answer....because that's where she was ....and it was her, not me.... but it still hurts.
I don't know why things are the way they are. They just are. That terrible disease, addiction, entered our lives a very long time ago. I'm so thankful I have my HP (God). I still get down sometimes doing all the wishing things were the way I always dreamed they would be ,,,but gratefully, I don't have to stay there. I can get up and do .....the next right thing.
Mother's Day can be painful in so many ways ...... but I do not forget the ways it is also very, very wonderful too.
I make no excusses for any actions, but in my experience with my Father and my wife... they are very confussed and very unpredictable when they are active in the addiction. She held it together enough to get you a picture, and like you said, that may have been the best she could do at the time.
I used to wear myself out trying to figure out what they "meant by this", and the reality is that nobody knows. Today, I try really hard not to ask myself that question.
I am glad you are here, the holiday was hard on me because I let it.
I hope you do something nice for yourself to celebrate your birthday! You deserve it!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Thank you all for your replies! Actually, I am very excited about the graduation! She has been working a full time job while attending school and the fact that it is my birthday makes it even more special ...and anniversary of my own graduation. I am still so very proud of her and all she is accomplishing!!
Sometimes, there really aren't any "pat" answers for why...and maybe that's best...acceptance.
God has brought me to this......and He is bringing me through ....and I am so very, very grateful!!!!!
Gratitude lists are such a big part of my program ..... helps me look for all the good things in my life!!!!!
...we said no, she could since she said she was in town anyways. We got to her house and ...she's not there. We waited a while and she came in with some sandwich supplies. Well, anyways, we fixed ourselves a sandwich. She could not sit down long enough to visit with us. It was very uncomfortable. She kept getting up and going off to other rooms. Hard to explain .... we know she does some drugs, and has really been in a bad place before and since she lost her husband. Anyway, we finally came home. She did give me a nice picture as a gift ..... my 18 yr old gave me a gift .... and a card that says..." Thank you for everything. Thank you for always being there no matter what. You may not think so but you are a great mom. I love you."
