The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Am having a bad day & trying so hard to live the mantra "this too will pass". I have lived with my A for almost 14 years but don't know what to call him as we're not married & now he ignores me so I can't think of him as even a boyfriend the closest word I think is a roomate. He was so wonderful to me the first 5 or 6 years I thought I had found true love (ha!). Now I sometimes am surprised there's someone there when I look in the mirror!
For the last month he hasn't talked to me! He comes, he goes, he comes, he goes to bed--no hello, no goodby, no good nite, no nothing. If I say something or ask a question I might as well be talking to a wall. He's a highly funational active A in full denial b/c he's never missed a day of work or gotten a DUI.
Yesterday a Mother's Day box of candy & card on the table when I got up but he was gone & when he came home no mention of Mothers Day even when I said "Thank you". He doesn't even look at me anymore. I feel like I could dye my hair purple & he'd never notice or comment. I think I'm going crazy.
I'm so thankful I found this site & took your advice & started going to f2f meetings. I'm in so much emotional pain. Am I still here? Today I feel hopeless. Hope
Yes, you are most certainly still here. I am sorry to hear you are upset. Somebody told me something when I first got here... "They are either going to drink or not.... what are you going to do?"
I have since had occassion to swap out "drink" with all sorts of things.
- argue - rage - be abusive - and yes... talk to me
Not in a talking mood.... sounds like a good time to go do something nice for yourself. Doesn't sound like he will tell you not to?
There is always hope, even if it is hard to spot at times. That is the great news. You are not alone (or invisable).
Glad you have found meetings, they can be very helpful. You know, this is a spiritual program. To me that means getting in touch with my very own spirit and making a connection with my HP who I call God. Together, we will be ok...
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I have felt invisable too in my relationship with my A, I'm just learing to live in my own head now though and not his, when we're going through an ignoring period not saying hello good bye, how's your day been, I too have, in the past, been just as bad, and have waited to see how long it would take, before he noticed me again,and hell would freeze over first, so then I would become obsessed with that length of time, and drive myself insane with thinking over and over, why, why, why, what's wrong with me, and then I realised I was as bad really, so I say hello, goodbye, even when I get no answer, it still hurts me, but not as much as when I sit and wait hoping he'll make the first move. I am trying to give what I would like to receive, it's not alway's easy because somtimes I give it begrudgingly, and that's not right, but hey I'm still in recovery, and learning everyday.
You are very much here, keep sahring with us, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
