Ignore it...it'll go away! - Al-Anon Family Group

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Ignore it...it'll go away!

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Diva,

My lab is on her last legs too

literally and figuratively. I know it's a matter of time for us before we have to make that decision.

Regarding a new puppy, well I don't have to tell you the responsibility and commitment for a new dog is. You've been there, done that, bought the tee shirt.

For me, a new dog will never replace the old one. For me, I am at a point in my life where I want to travel, go away, do things that would require either kenneling the puppy or taking it with me, though that brings its own set of issues. For me, I am not home all the time to spend quality time with my dog. Dogs are like people, they need interaction, love and take commitment. I believe you are home days so perhaps that's not an issue for you.

Are you being unreasonable? Only you can answer that. But if you live with someone, usually that take compromise (tee hee hee). I'm guessing that's why I live alone.

Much love,
Maria

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

HAHAHA!!! Thanks Maria. I LOVE your reply. Yep, coming to that place where we must make a decision about their future, or lack of it, is the hardest part, but it is truly a gift that we can give them when the time comes. Replacing "Baby?" No dog could do that, but there are so many animals in rescue just waiting for a chance at a world-class forever home.

I have had animals all my life. Wouldn't know what to do without them. Yep, one's life must be adjusted for the little critters, but for me it is a choice I happily made in my youth.

Compromise? When there is the least disagreement in this house, it is his way or the highway!! Causes me some consternation, but I can be like a bull myself when I have to be.

It will all work out - time will tell how.

All best wishes to you Maria,

Diva

carolena · Senior Member

Diva, are you sure your husband isn't mine, lol - methodical and practical????

If I didn't do what i want sometimes, regardless of what he says, I wouldn't have any
animals!! I can't picture myself ever not having at least one dog.

My husband said we couldn't have any animals; however, we have 3 dogs, 8 cats,
and 2 birds.

The topper to this is that my husband doesn't like the way I feed cats so he feeds
them.
Every morning, he gets 8 dishes out and feeds the cats individually to make sure each
cat gets his share! He also feeds the dogs because he says I don't get up in time to
feed them and let them out -- 4:30 am. If I take a trip somewhere he feeds the
birds.

When the dogs get in his way, he says, "three dogs are too many". Then I say,
"okay, then I'll take them to the shelter."

Then he says, "You're not taking them anywhere!"

Thought you might get a kick out of this - not suggesting you get a dog - although I
truly understand that you want one.

gardengal · ~*Service Worker*~

If you have the time and the love for a dog, why not? I just recently acquired another dog, so now I have 2. The first one came as a dog that lived on the streets with addicts. He came at a time when all this crap with my A was coming down, my A had left, so I was alone. This little dog came into my life, when it was dark and dismal, and this "dirty little street dog" brought life and enjoyment to me. Something I needed to take care of , something that made me laugh, something that I came home to etc etc. Recently a co-worker had to get rid of his little dog, I thought and thought about it, another responsibility? So here he is, and now I have 2, he is a little Min-Pin. So here I am with a pedigree dog and a dirty street dog, lol. They entertain me, they dont talk back (sort of woof), they are always happy to see me, and they are faithful.

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Well my dear friend you know what I am going to say.

You are hurting, sounds like someone does not care. Is that love?

Well maybe his kind. Mine is, nothing felt better after someone stealing my best friend, than my Basset puppy against the hole in my chest. 3 years later he is still my best medicine.

You need someone to fill the space not take the place. Hey last I remember it is your money??

I feel like if someone makes me choose between me and my animals, they do not respect me. To ask anyone to choose to me is really strange. I won't put up with it.

I know he did not say choose but yet... is it a test? Is it controlling? no use analyzing.

Hey lady you give LOTS. Go get that baby and i want to see pics. It would make your JR happy to have a baby to boss around and keep him young.

there is a pup out there that needs YOU! love,debilyn who says my animals have been more loyal than her AH. so heck with him

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Don't misunderstand...A LOVES animals, and if I get another doggie, he'll love her. I think it is a bit of a control issue. Lack of respect? I don't really think so, as he doesn't ask or expect me to choose either an animal or him...hee hee hee, maybe he knows better...but whenever I bring up the subject, you would be amazed at how quickly he changes it. I'll end up with another Boston, but he will have to protest. Maybe he feels some masculine need to bristle up at my strength. And, yep Deb, last I heard it was my money...good point...

Thanks all,

Diva

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

Tell him he has a choice, your going to adopt another child (joking of course) or you can get a dog. Maybe he'll let you have the dog then. hehehhe
I have two Golden Retrievers. I can't imagine never having a dog. I always have to have one, I love them. I definitly could do without all the dog hair and black dust they give off and they get a bath once every week faithfully. I could also do without the $86 bill every three months for heart worms. Every vet visit is $40 plus meds. They are not cheap that's for sure. Maybe this is a subject you just need to think more about? Ask him if he would like to talk about him so he feels he has a choice in the matter. Maybe he'd like to name it or pick the sex of the dog??? Just an idea. Good luck.

Tiger2006 · ~*Service Worker*~

Personally, when we got another puppy for the one that passed away, it helped me get pass the one that passed away. It also made me realize that the "partner" to the one that passed away was hurting--it took him a good two month to be okay with the puppy. Of course, the puppy casused the "partner" to lose all that weight he had gained--and then some!
I think your A is being selfish myself. He doesn't want to talk about an emotional subject. It helped me to get another dog. It helped me to move past it.

carolena · Senior Member

((((((((Diva))))))) Go get your dog! I'm sorry you lost yours - I know how that feels as I've lost a few animals. And, no, no other dog can replace the one you lost, but another one will
will fill the void and lots of doggies need a good home.

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((Diva)))))),

While I can't imagine ever replacing my beloved Pipers Kitty, I say GO FOR IT. I vowed so many times, never to get another animal. Didn't want to become attached and have the heartbreak when their time comes. I didn't even want a cat. But A insisted, and I can't imagine my life without her. You know pets add so much joy to our lives. It might even make it a bit easier for the Jack Russell.

As for the A. Who knows? Do what you want, because I guarantee in the end he will love it too. Maybe he's just being him?

Love and blessings to you and your family, and all the animals. Happy Mother's Day.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty smile

lilms · Senior Member

I love my animals. When I was told I couldn't have them many many moons ago in a different relationship I just told the person to "go pound salt" and got my babies anyhow.

That person has long since lef my life and I still have one of those babies.

I certianly understand the responsibility part of it. Taking a trip is next to impossible in this house. The animals rule.

I am sure you can offer a dog a much needed home. All of mine in my lifetime have been rescues and I cannot think of a better think to do with my energy and resources.

Post a pic when you get your baby home.

from one pet lover to another

lilms

kismetstrand · ~*Service Worker*~

I grew up with pets, always had one until I moved to Oregon (shortly after I met my A). We got married, moved to Florida, and after a year we went to the pound and got this little sweetheart Cocker Spaniel/Border Collie mix (Sarah). Then we moved back to Calif after about a year. Sarah loved cats, and one day daughter had her out front with her and Sarah saw a cat and took off to go play with it... ran right out in front of a van going much too fast down our residential street. We got her in the car and I drove 80 down the freeway trying to get her to the emergency vet in time... hubby holding her telling her to hang on. Dear little thing wagging her tail - the only thing she could move. I think she passed the moment he handed her over to the vet. The next morning I got up, our other dog we'd just rescued, Jessie (Geman Shephard mix) was waiting for her morning biscuit... a routine I had with the dogs... I just lost it then. You know that feeling... your heart splintering into pieces all over again. Growing up we'd lost pets before - it had never hit me like this though. Such grief. After about 3 weeks hubby agreed to go to the animal shelter with me (he hates going there because he's such a softie and can't stand to see all those animals homeless). We walked around and around the shelter. He liked a few lab pups they had. I kept going back to one of the cages. It had 2 dogs in it. One of them was a Border Collie mix, same black and white coloring as our Sarah, other than that she didn't resemble Sarah much as Sarah had more of the Cocker Spaniel look and was smaller. This dog was literally skin and bones...literally. She shook like a leaf in a strong breeze constantly. Her teats were enlarged so obviously she'd recently had a litter. Hubby looked at me and said "are you sure?" and I replied "look at her, if we don't take her, she'll die... no one else is going to adopt her." It was just such a strong feeling - I had to take her. She hid behind our couch for the first month, was fearful of our sons (obviously had been abused by boys)... oh I could go on with the list of her "issues"... lol. Today "Callie" is a fat, happy, beautiful girl... and I know Sarah looks down upon us and smiles that we have Callie in our lives now.

As for not needing more pets... okay, I have to tell the chicken story. *grin* I grew up in Los Angeles... a country girl trapped in the city. When we moved up here (almost 3 years ago now) to this little mountain town and got a place that has some room (and zoning) for farm type animals... I got that old bee in the bonnet about getting chickens. Had always wanted some. Hubby said "No." I'd go to the feed store in town... every Thursday they'd get in a new shipment of day old chicks. Daughter and I would ooh and aah over them. Well, yup, you guessed it... one day I brought home a bunch of chicks. Hubby adjusted. He even had a good laugh over the chicken coop construction project mom and I took on. So did my brother... who finally took pity on mom and I and finished it off for us (bro does construction). Bro's little joke on me was to cut out a half moon on the coop door... LOL. The next spring we added a turkey .. our famous Mr. Gobbles.

Now, fast forward to a recent "discussion" (I use that word loosely here *wink*) that hubby and I had. We were "discussing" the broadband access he wanted to get for his laptop so that he could get online while on the road (he's a truck driver) and I had previously asked if what he had found was the cheapest route we could go so he had put off buying the pc card at that time. Well, he was upset at me that he'd put that off and telling me how he really needed that access in order to get into a meeting and just talk to someone. So I said to him in a lull in his rant.. oops I mean "discussion" LOL... hey, do you remember when I got chickens? You said no, but I did it anyway because I really wanted them and they bring me such peace. On days when I am upset I can walk out there and talk to them and putter around feeding them and before long I'm in a better mood. So if you NEED this, then you go out and get it regardless of what I say..cause I got chickens! He started laughing then and said okay.

So, what's my moral of the story? hmmmm.... guess it'd be.... I got chickens!! LOL

Luv, Kis

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds to me like this is a control issue here, too.
Definitely not a good idea to let resentment build up - maybe just do as you please, and if he then objects, say "since you didn't seem to have anything to say, I assumed anything I did would be OK". If you are not expecting him to do all the dog work, it's not like you are setting him up in any way. You gave him a chance to voice obections, if he doesn't take that chance, oh, well, the consequences are a new puppy to cuddle. Not the worst fate in the world.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Diva)))

I had to giggle to myself as I thought back on how I aquired Louie (my JR).
Gracie (Fatgirl) had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure and I knew she wouldn't be around much longer.

I had been thinking about getting a pup before she passed. My husband kept saying "no, we don't need anymore animals".

We went to Michigan for Thanksgiving to my husband's sister's house. Both of his sisters have Jack Russels from the same breeder. (One sister has Louie's Grandpa). The other sister mentioned that there was one puppy left from the last bunch of pups.
(My husband shot her a look that could kill...lol) Of course I was all over that!

I wanted to go look at the pup and husband refused to go, "absolutely not". LOL, as I walked out the door he grinned and said "don't do it"! I guess he knows me pretty well. He was already defeated.

When we got to the breeder's place we went in her house. There was Louie, about 6" long, sitting on her sofa dressed in a little gray hoodie. It was all over at that point, he was going to take the 400 mile trip home with us.

As predicted, when I came back with Louie, hubby had to act the part and say "damnit Christy"!! blah blah...
Then I handed him the little furball with a tiny little hoodie on. He held him and said "you better not pee in the car".

Christy

TLC2 · ~*Service Worker*~

My Ex used to say he didn't know which I loved the most, him or my horse! I still have the horse! (need I say more?)

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks to each of you for your thoughtful replies. CHristy, you made me laugh out loud!!!! And the puppy? What can I say? S*P*L*E*N*D*I*D!!!

I am happy to report that the A and I DID sit down and have the conversation. It turned out very positive actually, with his agreeing to having another Boston. He asked that I wait until late August; he explained why, and his request is reasonable. So...I am looking. Yay! I am excited and looking forward to having a new member of the family soon.

Love to all,

Diva

-- Edited by Diva at 18:00, 2007-05-14

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.