The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I decided to take the interview just to see if I am even offered the position. I will tell them that I have one week to hear from them or I will be registering for school and then it will be too late. If they do offer then I will write down all my questions about the move and make sure they are all answered before I accept.
I am really to blame for the letter at work from jail, I opened that door by sending him that letter I posted in a work envelope and then a few days later just sent one with my home address because he doesn't have it. I am kicking myself in the butt for sending anything. I was happy without them and the letter I got from him just seemed like o poor me whining and I can't live without you see how it messes me up to not be with you bla bla bla and really it made me madder and ill. He called my cell collect today and of course I hung up.
I see his letter for what it is. Let me try to reel you back in, give me some amusement by bringing my kids to see me at the zoo, It's not my fault all this happened it's because I can't live a normal life without you (or with me for that matter LOL). Which really comes down to this is all your fault, if you would have just let me come home it would have never happened. And that pissed me off. It may be true, probably, but other things would have happened. I would have had to deal with lying, and sneaking, and questioning what's going on all the time, grouchiness, meanness to the kids, possibly runners here and there or even every weekend. I know what I choose when I choose the choice now! I guess at least I would have twice as much money most of the time but I guess that wasn't worth it.
Good luck with the interview. Never hurts to explore your options.
So... his letter was so masterful that you think you might be his HP after all? Sorry, that was a little more sarcastic than I intended. If I give my AW a few minutes a day to "work" on things, what I hear is how "if" the whole world would just change to suit her needs... she wouldn't want to drink anymore.
Me be more loving and supportive, the kids less needy, work more appreciative.... heck the night time not so dark and the sun not quite so hot might help too.
I have to remember that she has a HP, and knows what resources are available to help her stop. The rest.... well, just doesn't add up. I have spent years and years trying to tweak the world to suit her needs. During those years she has been diving further and further from the surface with me in tow.
Live and let live is something I am working hard on these days. Live my life to the best of my abilities, and allow her the dignity and the respect to do the same.
I have hope that if we both do some of that... and learn to get comfortable minding our own business, there could be a chance of us being a family again. Only HP really knows where this is all going.
I am a little tired, so I hope any of this makes sense. Ha Ha
I have been following your shares and I think you are doing great. Paying good attention to your needs. That is so important because ... you are important!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
please do not beat your self up. You are a loving person. You have feelings for him. The disease mixes us up forever Carolina. We just get better at ignoring it as time goes on.
dear remember my A treated me awful at the store with his roommate? I STILL get thoughts of writing him. Then remember how he treated me, and also, what would i get out of it? I do not want him back, ever.
I think we feel we want to for us, don't ya think? we feel that love and want to express it.
I have changed so much my friend, you are too. hope whatever path you take you will be happier. Wow look at your progress. Thankyou for updates. love,debilyn
I am very very proud of you. You are setting clear boundries and becoming a classy, self respecting, high esteemed lady. I hope you get that job. You deserve it. I also hope that your loved one is well taken care of. As I heard in a meeting, "he has 3 hots, a cot, and he won't be in jail forever. The state won't stand for it!" I am very very proud of you. KNOCK'EM DEAD!
