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This is so weird and WRONG and maybe just goes to show how badly having an A in my life has had a negative effect on me.
Every where I go, I see people I have never met and think to myself "Drunk" or "Druggie". I am judging complete strangers simply by the way they look. And it makes me feel terrible inside. Like who do I think I am? Some holier than thou person? Why do I do this? I am trying to make a conscience effert to NOT judge. It is hard.
My AH says I always automatically assume the worst and see the bad in people vs looking for the good in them. I never used to be this way. I can't stand pessamism. I have always considered myself an optimist. But I guess I have been fooling myself all these years.
I think my AH is too quick to dismiss the bad in people and assume the best will always win out. Not true. The bad seems way too easy to follow. Being a good person takes a lot of hard work 24/7.
I guess too that my AH's alcohol and drug abuse has had such a negative effect on my life that I assume every person walking down the busy road or riding a bicycle must have had their license revoked due to alcohol or drugs. Versus thinking that maybe their car is broken down and they can't afford to fix it but are determined to get to work regardless of how they do it. Or maybe they can't afford a car period. Or even if their license has been revoked for alcohol or drugs.....I should think "Good for them for working hard to get their life back on track regardless of what it takes."
There is nothing wrong with you. I too have noticed people more "who look like they could be an addict or alcoholic". I think this program makes us more aware. (if that is the right words to use) I dont know why this happens. The way I look at it , is that is their business , not mine, and thank God I dont have to deal with that as well, and let it go. Just wanted to say you are not alone in this...........gardengal
Oh wow! I have been there!!! How strange! I remember every single person I saw doing something not "average" I would immediatly feel disgusted and think they are obviously drug addicted idiots. Oh man! I was so hurt and effected by what my a had done! It seemed like it was everywhere. I don't understand why I thought this way, maybe to not have to focus my anger onto my a who I was trying to have a relationship with at the time? Or to not focus on myself? Or just the fear of the life I had been living coming out all over? I don't know but I remember vividly doing it. For a while too. And yes, before (before what I'm not sure...maybe before I was so effected by this disease?) I was a very accepting peson. Very optimistic and loving towards others. This disease warped my entire view of life and society. I am much better now and I only judge those I know intimately (LOL!!!) I think this is an awarness and a good one. There is a reason this is bothering you. How great that you see it and want to change. I don't know what the key was for me. I do know that i have changed. much love....
I see people like that all the time too and I literally will say a prayer to God in my head for them to find their way out of that place. Living with an ah, having a brother who is a heroin addict and then I had a codiene prescription addiction not too long ago, it really taught me alot. It's so hard to get away from but it can be done. There is power in prayer. I just think it's very sad :(
I think it's just something that comes from being more aware. I had a similar experience just last week, when I had to attend a training for my job. I went for a drink with some colleagues and when the check came, everyone looked for their portion, and one guy said it seemed too high. I said "Well, you had 2, she had ..." and I knew how many each person had ordered. Years ago, I never would have paid attention to what others were drinking.
I work in sales and wait on a lot of people. I can tell who is at least an A ( sometimes drug addicts, too) which I wouldn't have been able to do before I was involved with my own A. I don't think anything about it - it's just an observation. I know they are because some of the people I work with know them and make comments after I've observed it. But there are some customers who have come up to me and told me they just got out of rehab. And they don't even know me! I guess they just want to tell the world how good they feel and I always have good words for them.....jaja
Thank you to all of you for your ESH. I feel a bit better about myself now. I guess making that observation to myself is ok. Not necessarily being hateful about it but just simply seeing people for what they appear to be in my eyes. Then moving past that and concentrating on the things in my own life that really effect me.
Y'all are great. Hope you all have a fabulous weekend.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you and from my perspective as being single again, I don't see anything wrong with judging anymore. I think that's called listening to your inner voice which I have never done. I think most of the hell I have been through is from being afraid to judge and listening to BS lies and explanations for craziness!!! I am a firm believer now that I'd rather judge wrongly and move on than be afraid to judge and stay stuck. I see these people and think ya they may be this or that and to each his own - not my problem. It's good to identify them before you get involved. Wish I would have had that from the beginning.
Maybe, it's just that from living with an A/addict for so long and seeing certain behaviors whether they are odd, disruptive, rude, crazy or just not along what we would consider normal.......we would just automatically associate them with alcoholism or addiction. I believe it is just part of how we are negatively affected by alcoholism. I used to do it myself occasionally, until I realized that the person I am judging may not be an A/addict. Maybe they are just naturally an odd sort of person lol......I am sure we all have someone in our life that would fit into that catergory but since we know them we do not automatically assume they have a substance problem. So then maybe the problem was with me. The "self protection" triggers would just kick in so to speak. I realized I needed to pay more attention to myself and to stop taking stranger's inventory based on a few actions I seen in passing, lol. I surely would not want someone taking my inventory and drawing conclusions based on a 3-5 second initial evaluation. There have been many times I have been out with my gf's and we are having fun...just being ourselves and enjoying life, and I am sure that some people may have looked at us and thought we had some type of problem simply because we were happy within ourselves and with each other. I also walk most places I need to go that are close to home just because I enjoy walking and see no sense in wasting gas to go somewhere I am capable of getting to on my own 2 feet. So for me, I needed to just assume the people around me were behaving the way the were, or walking for the same reasons I do. I found myself more at peace when I stopped assuming negative things about people and kept the focus on me. I have enough in my own personal life to keep my mind busy that I needn't waste time concerning myself with whether a stranger is an A/addict. I also think that if I pre-judge a person before getting to know them a bit better I may rob myself of someone who may truly enrich my life. I have come across people in my life that others "warned" me about. But I am the type of person who had never judged people based on first impressions or by someone else's opinion. I give everyone the same courtesy I would want extended to me. Many of the people I had been "warned" about were very good, loving people and came to be very close friends of mine. Some of them came across harsh, stand-offish, etc at first, but after getting to know them I found out they were like that because they had been hurt by someone and were just putting up their own "self-protection" barriers because they were afraid to let anyone in. I think we just need to understand that there are hundreds of reasons why people behave the way they do, and not all negative, odd beahviors need to be attributed to alchol or drugs.
Actually wherever I go I always think "geez you need al anon." It doesn't matter to me how much they use or drink; I think "geez would you just go to al anon and get off my LAST NERVE?!"
Nothing is wrong with you. I too noticed people more. One of the reasons I do notice them, is because I am so familiar with the disease. But I don't think that I'm judging them. I'm hoping that they will seek recovery. I also work lots of young people, b/c I'm in retail. I listen to their stories of drinking or getting high on pot. I know for some, it's a stage. But there are others, that I can easily see the "future/potential" addict in them. Once in a while I will offer "if you could have seen my husband at his worst, you would never touch a drop." But that's rare. Who wants to be lectured by an old woman? All I can do is hope and pray that they stay safe and all will be well.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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