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I have been wanting to post this all week but didn't know exactly what to say. My thoughts on it are a bit tangled. Maybe y'all can give me some ESH that will help me.
My AH has been home for the last month. He hasn't used drugs since he got out of jail 2 months ago. While he was off on his several binges earlier this year, he max'd out all of his credit cards. He has not worked a steady job all year. For the last month he has been doing some construction/rennovating work for pay under the table. He managed to make one truck payment but that is it. No payments to the credit card companies, no payments to auto insurance, no money to me for groceries or utilities or the kids except for $80. He has been in an exceptional mood for the most part. One week he was very cranky and blamed it on exhaustion. But I know better. He was craving....and I am proud of him for not giving in.
I have been living off of my credit cards for 18 months now. Everything I buy goes on them and I make as big a payment as I can to them every month. Needless to say they are pretty big now. I have figured that in Sept, my cash flow will free up $400 from child care b/c my daughter will start kindergarten. Then in Feb 08, another $400 will free up b/c I will have my car paid off. At that point, I will start working to pay off my debts. It will be a slow painful process but I am confident I can do it.
Ok - now my dilemma - I went to use one of my cards to fill my AH truck up on Sunday. The sale was denied. I freaked out and immediately called the credit card company. Apparrently it was max'd out. Now I am thinking WHAT? I know I had at least another $1600 left on my credit line and I haven't used the card much in 2 months. Going through the recent transactions, I didn't recognize some activity. There was an attempted charge for $3000 Sat night over the internet. And another I didnt' immediately recognize. The credit card company reported my card as fraud, are issueing my a new card and an emergency statement to review.
I can't for the life of me figure out how anyone managed to swipe my card number. At first I thought maybe someone got it from my home computer when I signed up for my internet service a couple of months ago. Then I thought maybe someone swiped it through the karate place I go to b/c I have automatic payment there. Then I thought maybe it was from the storge unit place b/c that is set up on auto payment too. BUT, the funny thing is, in none of those situations do I use that card. The last time I used that card on-line was at work in Feb to buy something on line.
Immediately upon finding out I had unapproved charges on my card, my AH quickly stated it wasn't him. It hadn't occurred to me that he would even do that. BUT NOW: I am thinking could he have? Friday night I let him use that card to make an over-the-phone payment for his auto insurance that was 2 months behind. Could someone have swiped it from that? Or did he see what card I had chosen for him to use and think that I had a lot of credit left on it. And then go on line to pay off on one of his max'd out cards. It was an attempt at the company that he has a card through.....it didn't state whether it was for an item or just a payment. Could he be that stupid? Luckily my card was almost max'd out so there wasn't much damage he (or anyone else) could do to it. But now I am puzzled and uneasy about leaving my purse laying around.
I figure I will let the subject lay for a while until I get my statement and have a chance to gather more information. I don't want to go in and accuse him of doing something unless I have more info to go on. I will die if I find out he has done this. He has taken so much from me already. I have worked very hard to keep my credit in good standing regardless of his. He has bashed mine a little but not too badly. If he ruins it completely, I will lose it.
Was wondering yesterday how things were going with you. Glad to hear from you, but hate that it is about this tough subject.
Money - it is always a difficult situation in our household. I think your idea of obtaining all the information on your accounts may be a good idea. A suggestion, instead of waiting until your next billing cycle, can you access an on-line statement. In case there is someone out there with your info (not your AH) want to make sure no futher damage is done to other accounts. Identity fraud is very previlent and the stories I hear about how easy it is to do - amaze me. Also, I think you can alert the Credit Bureaus to ensure that no one opens any other "new" accounts in your name too. (my mom had to do this a few yrs ago - someone about 400 miles from us, open a cell phone account in her name - no idea how they got her information).
I still struggle in setting financial boundaries and limits with my AH. But I am working very, very hard on it right now. Of course, he isn't very happy at all, so I must be doing something right. - lol
Wishing you peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
As I read your post... you wrote your own prescription. You said "My thoughts on it are a bit tangled." When I am like that, conclusions are hard to come by.
I am a computer geek at a company that hosts online ordering, and yes it is possible for someone to swipe your CC number from an unsecure store, and if your machine doesn't have good virus protection, could swipe all the info they need when you log into your CC company's web site.
Your transaction history will tell alot. A total stranger who swipes your information will be unlikely to settle all your AH's accounts. But until you have some facts to work with... you can concentrate on getting some.
Having the info faxed to you is a great idea. "IF" your computer has been compromised (unlikely, but could happen) jumping into all your accounts to see what's going on might be a bad idea.
The CC company wants to know its fraud as bad as you do, they should be very helpful.
Hope you find answers quickly, and my wish for you is calm in the storm. You are doing what you can do, you mine as well be relaxed with it if possible.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I was thinking about the e-statements. Often times whenever I get frustrated with my own bank I check the e statement against my own book keeping. I go "uh huh, I know where that comes from; uh huh, I know where that comes from..." and I go on and on. Then, if theres something that doesn't add up, I write down the charges and go to the bank Sometimes it's as simple as, literally, I stopped for gas one day and didn't write it down. Other times, it was literally an automatic withdrawl I had set up back in the dark ages, and now it had activated--so the bank had to check THEIR books to make sure no one had swiped my card, and for 48 hours froze my card, which meant no incoming or out going postings (try getting food with that!). But I'm really proud of you. You're owning your part, asking for help, and being assertive. I'd go through my books, and make phone calls. I'm sure the powers that be can fill you in on any holes.
I would be digging deep and find out. The only reason I believe he could do such a thing is because he hasn't been in treatment and he's out of jail right? Sometimes they go back to their old ways. I hope this isnt the case but it's easily figured out. Start your own PI work and get to it. If it does turn out to be him (by the sounds of it) then I am sorry. But at least you know what you have to do.
I would check online, when my A was missing a few hours I would know and immediately get online and check the credit cards. If there were charges I would report it stolen and cancel it. There have been a few times where his wallet disappeared in his binges and he didn't even know if he had made the charges or not so we just reported them lost and let the chips fall where they may.
Thanks to all for the ESH. I mentioned my credit card mess to my AH again last night. I was just telling him that I hadn't used it for any of the auto payments that I initially thought I had. He once again made the comment that it wasn't him. I have never accused him of it. Not even pointed in that direction. So I don't know if it is his guilty conscience working on him or if he really didn't do it. But I will find out soon enough. The card has been cancelled so no more damage can be done to it. And I have verified all of my other accts to make sure nothing has gone on with them. I will keep a very close eye on everything from here on out.
Thanks for all of your support. I will let you know what happens.
