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Today is day two without my husband. I am trying to stay busy and not think about my heart that is broken but it is really hard. I am not crying so much so I think that is a start but I am not sure where to go from here. I havent called him either so that is HUGE for me.. Baby steps I guess... Everywhere I look I see him, pictures his side of the bed... I am hurting so much .. My daughter called him yesterday and he ask how I was, told her not to leave me alone.. Now, he gets compassion ? I think he just didnt want me to go out with friends...whatever, I dont what him knowing ANYTHING about me.. NOTHING... Not where I go, who I am with or what I am doing... NOTHING.. He doesnt get that right anymore..Now that he has moved out I dont think that it is fair that he comes here whenever he pleases. Do I ask for his key back ? But I cant talk to him ... It hurts too much... The boat is still here and so is his motorcycle so I am sure he will be back for them.. He took all of his clothes and personal things but I guess he didnt have time to take them. I just cant talk or see him right now, I am too weak for that and it hurts too much !! Do I contact an attorney ? What do I do ? He hasnt given me any $$ in over a month and I gave him $ to move out so he leaves and I end up with all of the bills.. I am okay with that I am sure that my HP will help me.. Just doesnt seem fair.. After 21 years, all the dreams up in smoke, GONE... Now I will be 40 this year my kids are nearly gone and I will be alone... I am so scared, I want to be loved feel cherished by someone it has been so long.. I dont feel good enough, I dont think anyone will love me like he did..
I dont know what i am going to do today after church. Work in the yard a bit but then what ?
Please pray for me, I need STRENGTH.. so desperately !!
Tammy, I really feel for you and I can identify with your loss. Please take care of yourself and keep posting, it really helps. At the moment, my ex-A moves in and out and has done for years, I do think they are a little like boomerangs, I found it helped when I kept busy doing small things, working in the yard a bit sound good, look after yourself
Hon, talk to a lawyer, just to get some information. You don't need to do what the lawyer says, if you don't want to, but you need to know what your rights and duties are here. It's hard to make decisions without information - you don't know what HE'S gonna do, but at least you can make the best choices about what YOU do.
Sorry you are in so much pain. It hurts when our dreams go up in smoke. But are you missing the reality of the relationship or the dream of the maybe it would get better? I know I miss the dream and the past. This disease is out to make you feel inferior, you are valuable, you are lovable and you need to take care of you. Cry until you can't anymore. It is a good release. I personally use the shower, scheduled crying, how sad of me, but it works. I would take the advice of the other posts and see a lawyer. Since he left quickly, photocopy any important papers that you may need but he may take. Pensions, life insurance, titles to cars, medical insurance cards. Everything.
Go to a face to face meeting if you can. You will meet wonderful people there.
I'm sorry you are hurting so much. Remember you are grieving for the loss of a relationship, a loved one, (much like the physical loss) and feeling sad is normal. Go a head and grieve. It's okay.
I promise you in time you will learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone allows you serenity, solitude, strength, growth and freedom. When you are starting to feel lonely, remember what the chaos was like. That's how I got through it. I rememberd what it was like when A was active, and how miserable I felt. That's also when I got going on myself. I started working the steps and meeting new people. Finding a sponsor, a recovery group you like (I found one in which was nonAlanon based, and made for families of addicts) was tremendous for my recovery. I also went to a few open AA meetings because I needed to hear their stories and it reinforced my belief that none of this was my fault. It also gave me more compassion for my A and his struggles. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I can so relate to both of your posts. I remember that numb feeling -- my sponsor told me once it's the repeated small things that seems to kill the feelings, deadens the love. I have to say I agree.
My A moved out over 2 yrs ago and into our Rental house. I just turned 40, have two kids (mine are younger 9 & 11) and have known my A for over 20 yrs -- we're still married, have yet to divorce. And I can reallllly relate to the fear. There were days I thought I'd do anything to have him with all his craziness back. I'd rather have dealt with living with what I knew than dealing with all the unknowns. The unknowns were scary.
I want you to know that you are on the most incredible journey. It may not have been the one you wanted or picked but it has the potential to give you more rewards than you could have ever imagined. I'm not being a polly-anna, it is hard, there are things you'll have to deal with that you aren't going to want to but the reward is great. Finding yourself and coming out whole -- knowing you aren't lacking in anything and that you are stronger than you ever thought you were is amazing. (for so long I felt as if I were half, missing something and needed to feel whole --thinking that my A was what made me whole)
You are doing great with trying to break the cycle of calling him. Do your best to concentrate on youself and what it is that you want, like and make you happy. Those were three things I couldn 't answer, What did I want, What did I like, and hmmmm being happy, when was the last time I was truly happy. If you haven't already start journaling -- you may suprise yourself
Right now, do your best to stay in the moment. Don't live in the past or look too far in the future. Getting thru the day and all of the task that are in it are enough -- and if you feel your mind wandering, tackle one of those "I should do" projects. You know those things that we're always say "I should do that one day." In the beginning I had many I should do days....It ended up being wonderful to finishing things and really feel satisfaction from getting something done.
Hang in there and keep posting. You really aren't alone.
