The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Bobby: "Psssst. Don't tell anyone. It's our secret! There's an elephant in the living room, but we're pretending it's not really there and it's not really an elephant."
Billy: "But it smells and it's enormous!"
Bobby: "Just ignore it. Maybe it will go away."
Sounds pretty silly, doesn't it? Ignoring an elephant in the living room. How could anyone ignore an elephant in the living room?
Just think for a minute what it would be like. An elephant would take up most of the room. It would be difficult to see the television, out the windows, or each other. Carrying on a conversation with an elephant in the living room would be tricky. And think what an elephant could do to the carpet! If the floor would even hold it, that is. And if it didn't rear up and knock a hole in the roof.
How can you think of much else except how to clean up the mess the elephant makes? What do you do when company comes -- put a doily on it? How can you even have a telephone conversation when there's an elephant trumpeting in the living room? And how do you convince the children, your friends, your family, and yourself there's not an elephant there?
Okay, so no sane person would have an elephant in their living room.
But, now think about living with alcoholism in the home... isn't it just like having an elephant in the living room?
Try as you may, it won't be ignored. It continues to make messes, continues to dominate the house, and continues to drive you crazy despite all your best efforts to ignore it.
The elephant's there. It's real and it's not going away. So why tell the children it's a secret? Alcoholism screws children up. Lying about it makes it worse.
Admitting the elephant is there is what we in recovery call getting out of denial.
Admitting we're powerless over it and need help can start us on the road to recovery.
Instead of it being the end of the world, acknowledging the elephant is often the beginning of a new life.
And, ironically, once you admit the elephant is real, you'll probably discover everyone around already knows about it anyway.
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
The A's anger is like an elephant in the living room, and it is AWFUL with extended family around, they just cover that right up, like it's normal to go into swearing fits whenever something falls or is misplaced.
As for the aism, I truly did not want the kids in the dark and would phrase it as a "drinking problem". They have adapted as best as possible.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
My husband's car is very distinctive - it's quite old, and a model that was never very popular around here. Everyone in our small town who knows him knows what he drives.
I remember we were having a fight one time,and I was a bit loud and indiscreet, talking about his drinking. He was furious, shushing me. And I thought - "Here's your car, parked every night in front of the bar, more than half the time there all night because you were too drunk to drive home, and you think nobody KNOWS?" But of course, if you don't talk about it, it doesn't exist, right?
I like this analogy John. Oh how I tried to hide that elephant...of course, no one knew it was there in the living room but me...absolutely no one. At least it was my secret. But ya know what? Friends and family had noticed it there. Can you believe that? It was actually noticed???? Oh I tried to keep the elephant hidden; for a long time. THen one day I admitted it was there. That was the day I started my recovery. That was the day I refused to allow the elephant to take up all the room. That was the day.
Thanks for your post.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 10:26, 2007-05-06
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Actually the best analogy I heard was "dinosaur in the room" it's not simply that its there, but its what it does, how it disrupts the family, and how it destroys everything.
