The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AB/F has a new career...this career wouldn't be possible without his new-found sobriety. I am grateful for that. However, with this new career, he seems to have taken up being 'friendly' with other women. Some of these women have taken it upon themselves to contact him outside of business hours. These women seem to know a great deal about him...except for the fact that he has a girlfriend.
In the time that we have been together, I have been asked out a few times and his first question is always, "Did you tell him you had a b/f?". Seems he wants the world to know that I'm unavailable, but he wants everyone to think he's free. I just feel like such a fool. I'm just about ready to throw in the towel and tell him if he wants everyone to think he's single, then he's welcome to be single.
(((meglet))) I'm sorry you are hurting over this. It sounds like his boundaries with these other women are not clear. Maybe you could set some boundaries for yourself about what you want. Ultimately you know that you are the only one who can decide if this relationship is healthy for you, and if its not then you have alternatives. I hope things get easier for you. Take care of you.
Peace, Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I don't know your situation, so not quite sure what to say.
Are you living with him? My first instinct is to say, have you been able to sit down and talk about this? "I am feeling hurt because there are women calling here for you."
I know you hurt. I don't believe much feels worse than having your mate seem to be interested in other women. But ya might want to make sure first,then make your decision.
Do your best to do things nice for you. geez I remember the gut wrenching in my tummy. I pulled my warm Basset onto my tummy, took a lot of warm showers.
Sounds like you have a solution in your post. If it is honest it applicable. Honest on both parts...yours and his. One of the things I have learned in recovery is that I am responsible for how things turn out for me. I also learned that change is very difficult and at times painful. I have learned that the pain is an option...a choice and if I don't dwell on the pain tooooo long I can concentrate on proper change and then that will become less difficult.
In early recovery I was told that Al-Anon was a simple program for complicated people. We have a slogan, one of many, "Keep it simple." It works best when you have the help and support of this family group.
Maybe now that he is newly sober...he has become "hip slickin cool". (Just something I was accused of in early recovery. They were right and I found the courage to change it.) "Self centered to the extreem" is a term that has also been used in describing the alcoholic. If that is what is happening in your relationship no need to play a part in it especially if it comes out you calling yourself a fool.
Might be a good time for some face to face meetings and a great sponsor. just a suggestion.
