The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH got a DWI about a month ago and he told me he was going to treatment. He was going to be court ordered anyway, so he decided to do this to make him look better. Of course I didn't believe he was in treatment for one second, but after talking to him for a long time last night, he either is really in treatment or he just knows the correct "treatment talk". It was a talk we needed to have, although it's too late. I broke down and cried...I mean really cried. It hit me how many times he had lied to me. He admitted he's an alcoholic (finally!) and said he was sorry for the lies and the hurt. Just hearing that actually meant a lot. I filed the paperwork for divorce and that won't change, but maybe some of the anger and hurt can start to heal. There was a little bit of excusing everything to being an alcoholic, but maybe they work on that in treatment? I don't know. I can still see that he is not totally taking responsibility, but he is making more of an effort than I've ever seen. I can feel some of the need for revenge actually subsiding. Of course this divorce is going to hurt us both financially as we will have to let our house go into foreclosure unless by some miracle we can actually sell it for what we have in it. The nice thing is I can't even work up a good hatred for him and this situation we're in. Lindy
Oh Lindy...Your post hit home as I feel my future looks the same. I pray my A will admit to even himself & find help & treatment. I wish you strength to get through it all and peace & calm in your heart. And I send you hugs & more hugs. Hope
oops - tried to reply once before - but I think my computer lost it - will try once more.
((Lindy))
Whether he is "at" treatment or "in" treatment, hope that you will continue to do what is healthy and right for you & your recovery, so that you can learn to live Happy, Joyous and Free regardless.
Wishing you Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
In my own experience it takes a while to realize some of the finer points of responsibility. At least he admits he's an alcoholic, that's more than a lot can say.
And Rita hit it right on, since what he's doing or not doing is not in your control, it really doesn't matter. Working Alanon is about you. How to have peace NO MATTER what your A is up to. I know this is possible, it's happening to me right now. I know I'll struggle with this issue again and again, because it's a process, but it really does happen. Yes, you're sad and grieving when the A trips out and relapses or lies. Yes, you feel relief when they get help. But your garden still needs tending, the dog needs a bath, and your life goes on anyway. Which means good things still happen to you, and you can enjoy them no matter what the A is doing.
This was a big one for me, and I'm sure will be again. But there's so much truth in what Rita said. Take care.
Lindy I prefer to watch what people do rather than listen to what they say . All will be revieled in good time . Work on yor resentments lindy , u don' t need the pain . You have alot ofliving to do and they will only drag u down . good luck Louise
I love the statement "a journey of 1,000 miles begins with but a single step."
Keep the focus on you. When you are ready, accept and appreciate the amends. Be glad that alcoholism isn't claiming one more victim. Begin working your own recovery. You are the most important person to you in this world.
You are worth it, yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
