The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just went back and read all of my posts from the past year. Seems to me I was healthier last year than I am at this moment. I'm thinking that I had so much time to talk with my dad about life and what's important. Things felt so much clearer to me then. In this past year, letting my ex ah back into my life really brought me out of focus. It has made me spin. This grief, but also losing my dad who was my go to person. He gave me his opinion, his support, his unconditional love. I still talk to him and I know he is still here giving me his unconditional love, it's just harder to hear his answers. I see how I got crazier as my ex got closer. I do know what I want, I know what I don't want. I do not know what is best for me. I really don't. What I want is not reality, or if it is I only think it's what I want. Because I had it and I really didn't want it. I don't know. Maybe I did. Today was sad. But not all day. I remembered that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. I started to suffer and then remember that I didn't have to. Then I took a suggestion that has been made to me many time here from you very wise, loving people. I got busy. I came home, changed my clothes and the kids clothes and we went outside and they played while I raked. Just trying to release some of this crazy energy. It was so helpful to be outside in the sun, with the kids screaming and laughing, making my yard as pretty as it can be even though we won't be here much longer. My new place has a place for a garden....just have to learn how to grow stuff! So, I am still sad but it has lessened. Your replies and esh just help to bring me back into focus, like putting my glasses on. Without my glasses I am legally blind, can't see my hand in front of my face but as soon as I put them on I see normally. In the beginning I would lose my glasses, break them, forget them or purposly not where them. That was scary and dangerous (when I tried to drive). But I was young and I have learned that I didn't want to do that anymore. Thanks for being my glasses y'all. I'm such a dork! LOL!
And hey watch the self talk! You are not a dork! You are a lovable, wonderful child of God and also God's greatest Miracle. God find a copy of Og Mandino's Greatest Miracle in the World or email me and tell me where I can send my copy.
I like your awareness that your Dad is still there for you. I also believe and I get to hear the spirits in my life have to say to me especially when I am not expecting what they should be saying. When the expectations are gone the messages are very clear. HP especially talks to me when I am needing that special message and HP decides the when also. I have been able to hear the voice and message clearly since coming into the Family Groups.
Kick your faith up a couple of notches, kill the expectations and fear and keep a wide open mind as to the endless ways that you can be touched...and then the hearing will improve.
I felt that way too one time and I noticed something. You ever pay attention to anyone building a house? Week 1 pour the slab. Week 2 frame it up and put plywood on the roof... ok now it is starting to look like something. Week 3 put the siding on and shingles on the roof... wow, it really looks like a house now, heck people should be moving in at this pace in a couple of weeks.
3 months later.... still piles of materials and trash all around, crews of people doing pluming and electrical, painters, carpenters, flooring, light fixtures.... wholy crap, whats taking so long.
Progress looks so fast when you knock out the big and visable things first. The details are what makes it finished.... and that takes time and attention.
You are worth so much more than that house, to don't be disapointed in your progress, you are now working on things that are much more sophisticated. It takes time and attention. But you are doing great!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
your doing great. get busy and got better. THAT happens everytime for me i feel better and it fills me up. and , haha, tuckers me out. your an inspiration to me too!! to stay focused on my recovery and my happiness and my home. and yes. i need my glasses and NO.... your not a dork! your wonderful. (((serendipity)))) your a loveable sweety pie. lol.
so happy to hear your spending time with the children and enjoying a day in the yard. sounds like such fun, really wonderfulllll. I KNOW ((HP/God)) was pleased too.... to see you relaxin *in the moment. enjoying the Day. you have so much to look forward to and to plan for. stay inthe moment and if your going to project....let it be bout' landscapin lol. im with you. HP/Gods gotcha too.
get busy and got better. THAT happens everytime for me
i feel better and
it fills me up. and , haha, tuckers me out.
your a loveable sweety pie. lol.
enjoying a day in the yard. sounds like such fun, really wonderfulllll. I KNOW ((HP/God)) was pleased too.... to see you relaxin *in the moment. 
enjoying the Day. you have so much to look forward to and to plan for. stay inthe moment and if your going to project....let it be bout' landscapin lol. 
YOU are SOooooo Worth IT!
dipity))))))))))