My Anger is through the roof... a vent post - Al-Anon Family Group

twinmom2 · ~*Service Worker*~

My Anger is through the roof... a vent post

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

I can tell you this....I DID physically beat my ah when I was to that point and it solves nothing and I did also try to kill him and that's when I realized OMG I am as sick as he is and I got out. I became angry, abusive, bitter, hateful......WHY was I doing this to myself? I wanted the complete opposite so I turned it around and headed in the happiness direction. You can do it too.
Good luck at the party. My son turns 7 in May and my twins turn 6 in June so it's about Party time for us too....ugh. We are doing the beach thing..they have already had ponies, glamour girls, bounce houses, ect.. no more. Just a simple...sandwich, soda party. hehehe
I hope you find peace, look for it hard okay?

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Your anger is understandable twinmom. We have all felt it, and if we were all honest, we'd probably say we still do, at least part of the time.

Some will tell you, "Take care of you. Don't worry about him." What I would like to know is how the hell you keep from wanting to tear him apart when your house is slipping out from under you, your vehicle is totalled, and your credit is smashed. You cannot detach from a situation like that. No one can.

I wish there were words I could say that would make all this go away for you. Alas, there are no words. But, you are in my positive thoughts and prayers. Allow your anger. Do not attempt to stifle it. Emotions must be allowed to run their course in order to go into proper perspective.

Diva

Rita G · ~*Service Worker*~

Anger is a feeling & remember feelings are neither good nor bad - it's how we react to the feeling that can cause problems.

Of course, you are angry - You have been through some very emotional and physical trying times lately. That hurts. And usually, when we are hurt, we get angry.

Vent, vent away - If we don't get the anger out, it eats away at us inside. Journal, post here, beat up the punching bag, clean the house, mow the lawn, - whatever helps you release the anger.

Take care of you - feel the feelings, and most of all enjoy the TMNT birthday party this weekend!! I'm glad that you will be able to enjoy their birthday's in spite of the pain you are feeling.

Peace to you,
Rita

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh God bless you. I am in the same spot. I'll wear a red dress and dance on his grave with you! I was laughing and crying reading your post. I have those same feelings and have thought those exact same thoughts. I think that is why this is a family disease. My ex ah maybe the crackhead bipoar waste of flesh but I am the one who has contemplated murder. Although, he attempted it but what's MY excuse? His ofcourse was that he was in a manic phase......but today, he has NO problems except me.....? whatever. Let it all out girl and yes we are here to take it. We understand all too well. much love and support....

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

There oughtta be law that spares spouses and children from losing it all due to someone elses addiction. Maybe insurance for protection against a spouses addiction.
Wouldn't that be great?
Now that's a thought.

Christy

boricuaGA · Member

It is a blessing that these posts are here. VENT...vent until you can't vent anymore...let it go b/c it does you no good inside. I am a newbie and don't really know what to say except I know you will get through this. You may not think so right now, but a lot of people here have and have looked back on it and been proud.

I pray the rest of your day goes better.

Be blessed...seek God....Psalm 21 helped me a lot last night.

Tiger2006 · ~*Service Worker*~

Have you written a letter to him? the kind you write and dont send? Those made a big difference for me.
I think I'm due to write some more, actually. I'm feelin your anger recently too.

chris52 · Senior Member

(((((((((((((Twinmom))))))))))))))))

You go ahead and vent all you need,sweet one.

I STILL have a problem coming to terms with the devastation my exA caused for me too. One year on and I'm still trying to survive financially and he phoned me up to tell me he was sober 6 weeks,got a job,and was applying for a passport so he can travel with a friend for a holiday in Greece. Whinged about how much it was going to cost him!! There's me struggling to put food in my own mouth and going without so many of the things he wrecked and smashed here...and he's going on about how excited he is to be going on holiday!!! Arrgghhh! I graciously congratulated him on his new found,albeit early sobriety..told him how happy I was he had finally got himself a job and wished him all the luck in the world. I came off the phone and burst into tears of rage and frustration. All the old feelings of despair came flooding back and I went into freefall. Looks like I am back to step one again!!! Grrrrrr.

Diva is right. We know what it is we are supposed to do.....detach,detach,detach...........but how the hell do you detach from all that and not lose your serenity wanting to tear his limbs off. I still haven't figured it out....and it's not for the want of trying.

I loved Christy's idea...............insurance against the damage the A does...........IF ONLY!!!!!!! I'd have been beating the door down begging them to accept me for a policy.

Coming here and venting is healthy and you are so right.........we can take it. Goodness knows how many times I have vented here and been amazed at the love,support and strength I get from the posts back. God bless EVERYONE here at MIP.

Enjoy your beautiful babies party and come here and vent all you need to (((((Twinmom)))))

((((HUGS))))

Chris

Busbe · Veteran Member

Dear One
In my devotions I read this morning it stated for peace of mind repeat
this "The Lord is my shepard, Im worried to death." It said that with the
absurdity of this phrase will bring you peace of mind. I have been struggling
for peace of mind for so long that I will try anything so I have been repeating
this to myself today...I hope it will help you. Take care of yourself...Busbe

twinmom2 · ~*Service Worker*~

You guys are awesome, thank you for the kind words and ESH. I don't know what I would do without my MIP friends. I think about the stages of grief and loss and realize I'm smack dab in the middle of it. It's not just the loss ya'll its actually seeing him that "messed up". I don't think I've ever seen anyone that completely intoxicated where they look almost half dead. I keep seeing my husband's face, pale lips, dirt all over his mouth and hands. It's traumatizing. The hardest part is loving someone and being this angry. I don't know what to do with these conflicting feelings right now.
He called today, depressed, feeling alone and I just had to say I'm sorry today is not a good day to talk to me. I shared with him the amount of damage to the car, the anger I'm feeling about having to sell the home, I'm just watching all go down the drain. He said I ruined your life. I said yes financially this is ruining my life. Sure I can recover, its not like both my parents haven't sufferred financial and their own emotional losses and they both recovered quite well. Its just stuff right, just money. The heartache of why the destruction happened, the fear that it could happen again is what grips me.

So for today... I will allow myself to feel this anger and grief, I like Tiger's idea of writing him one of those letters that I won't send because I really just need to get it all out. Thanks for listening and peace to you all today.
Hugs,
Twinmom~

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

hi Mom , well I hope u feel better biggrin

I sure remember being that angry. I really hate to remind you that we teach them how to treat us , because of what we allowed in the past he would only assume he culd continue to do the same thing over and over again . Someone said to me once , he is a sick practicing alcoholic whats your excuse ??? could have smacked them right then and there but a part of me knew they were absolutley right .
I went to my sponsor one day looking for a really long and specific reason for why i allowed what I did in my marriage , surley something terrible must have happend to me to allow him to treat me that way . She listened took my hand and said all you really need to know IS ALCOHOLISM HAPPENED TO YOU !!!
and instantly I knew she was right . forgiving myself was the hardest part of recovery for me . keep commin back take care of you Louise

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Like I told carolinagirl, with recorded aism he probably will not be eligible for life insurance, if he is it will be very spendy.

this was my experience when I planned to ge it.

oh it gets us in a million ways.

Best thing for me was to only depend on me.

I know it is hard, but you are mad at a disease. Which is NORMAL. I hate cancer as it took my mother. But it was not MY mother.

I hate my A's alcoholism but I love him. and his aism did everything but kill me.

now I am in my own happy home with a bunny named Farnsworth hopping around and a bullfrog in a big tub... lol he keeps coming out of the darn huge pond and the cats are "toying" with him...

so after saving him twice, he is going to a different pond! love,debilyn

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

well my dahling, you are maturing in alanon, and maybe THIS is YOUR bottom!!!!!!

Hope you have a fun party. you sound like a good mom. love,debilyn

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey girl, you could right that letter, put on that red dress, dig a hole, tear the letter up in shreds with your teeth, spit on it and bury it then stomp on it.

Brush off your hands, straighten your dress, smooth your hair, have a seat, put your feet up and have a cup of tea.
Sometimes insanity feels pretty good..LOL!!

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