The material presented
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I just don't get it. My ex ah just called and I stupidly took the call. Then i stupidly got into it with him. Why? He is with someone new. He told me to stop spreding rumors. he is sober, sane and the girl he is with has 14c years in the program. This is crazy!!!! he has been sober like 6 months, he did what he did to me, he calles me up and called me all these horrible names, blames me for everythjng. But the thing is....who said to him what I have said? He must be here reading my posts, I think. I don't know it doesn't matter but I am sitting here hurt and upset. I let his insanity get to me and this sucks. God, I know better than to aruge with an A or even have any expectations!!! This is exactly how he treated his ex when he and I got together. He doesn't now how to be involved with one woman and still be respectful and kind to the last. I know this but God almighty am I pissed. What kind of sick skank would be with a man who refuses to give at least financial support to his children? Not someone with 14 years of good program! A man who doesn't have a real job so that he doesn't have to give his kids money because he thinks i'm loaded. Meanwhile, the kids and I have no health insurance.Oh My GOd in heaven I hate this man. I would love to say I don't even know who he is but I do. I've seen him behave this way many, many times over the past 13 years. He will never be a calm, grown up who is able to show respect to me just for the simple fact that I am the mother of his children. I have layed out my motives for him not seeing the kids and I am clear that it is totally for their best interest and if I had any doubts (which I did) today's conversation killed them. This is not worth it. I am hurt. I am angry. I need to do something with these feelings. At the very least that is progress on my part. JUst for today.....I can do this....
Yep, you're allowed to have those feelings, then as fast as you can be grateful that someone else is up next to deal with his B.S. He may be sober, but sounds far from sane. As far as financial support, you can make that happen too via court order.
Take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
It hurts, boy how I know it hurts... My husband has called me B**** almost daily for months now. It doesnt get easier that is for sure at least it hasnt for me. I am so angry, hurt and feel really betrayed.. You not only have the right to feel that way I am right with you :) Lets pray that this gets easier ! Maybe, you could send her a sympathy card since she will have to put up with him now :)
I think actually your loved one is deluding himself. The young woman he is with may be helping him--i.e, suggesting meetings, suggesting CAL, et cetera,--but if they're actually dating she's sicker than he is. Moreover, if a person with 14 years sober is doing anything with a person with under 5 years sober, it darn well better be service work--anything between the sheets is a signal of mental illness (imo). So he's pushing your buttons--you see the pattern, right? He's also playing games with himself. He'll keep it up as long as he's enabled. Set some boundries. Use that spine, darn it! God gave it to you for more than just holding up your body--hold up your soul, too, and your womanly dignity!
If she had 14 yrs of good program she wouldn't be with someone sober a few m onths i think AA calls it 13 stepping . And if he is still blamming you for his problems he dosnt have a program either. Set your boundaries with him and get on with your life . Louise
I would agree with the others..it's ok to feel your feelings..I have found it helps to feel them and then let them go. I usually ask myself if the person causing them is worth me haing a bad day? The answer for me is no. Why should I have a bad day because someone else's behavior is insane? I agree with abbyal's comment on setting boundaries. If you answer the phone you always have the choice of saying I will not talk with you when you are being disrespectful. I'm going to hang up now. Then say good-bye and just hang up. I have found this is a way I take care of me. Remember the 3C's..you didn't cause his behavior, you can't cure it..and you can't control it. He's going to do what he's going to do..you can choose what you are going to do for you and your children. You deserve serenity...to be happy. your friend in recovery, rosie
