The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is a better day than yesterday...why? Because I have made the choice for it to be.
Yesterday was the first time I made a choice to reach out to Al-Anon...and I am so thankful I did. After being on the boards and reading everybody's experience, it felt like a relief...like a release.
I didnt make it to the meeting last night...I had a headache out of this world from no sleep the previous night, was so hungry, and stayed at my mothers with my son. I decided just to try to get some rest.
some background, my fiance is an A...he didnt admit it until after the engagement but once he did it was like a light bulb turned on in my head, after all these years (5) it made sense...all the lies, the 'emotional cheating', the urination in every place but the bathroom....juts made sense...but now what? (he was sober for 3 weeks and 5 days, then relapsed (night before last)....
I got in the bed at 9:30pm but didn't fall asleep until after 11:30pm. I tossed and turned but slept which is good. my son...our son..slept all night (thank God)
Today I plan on writing a letter to my A. I have so many emotions and feelings and just things that need to be said (for my benefit). Maybe when he see's it on paper it will hit him or...i dont know...
his best friend sent me a txt message not to be mad at him for calling him...funny, he's still going around telling everybody that he wasn't drunk and that its my fault...i find it comical at this point. i told his best friend everything...it felt good...told him to help him if he cares about him...still no response back
he didnt contact me at all after 5pm yesterday and I'm glad, but at the same time wish he would...why? well maybe that will make me feel like he actually cared about the situation....but then again, why continue to let him send me his lies...funny, his last text to me was "i still luv you even though we fuss and fight, i did not drink, but i came close"........I just came home and taped his reciept to the local bar for a purchase of vodka on his computer, picked up my son and took us to my mothers....
Today, im ok...i'm still finding it hard to swallow that he has a disease...im still finding it hard not to blame him for all his actions and realize it's not him...its that demon thats within him...
I thank God for being able to work from home...sipping on a very tasty cappuccino, watching TV, working and thanking God for all the wonderful blessings in my life: my son, my health, my job, my car, my family, my strength, my relief, my new life....my sanity
So...for that reason, today is a BETTER day...and i know tomorrow will be a better day than today
Thank you so much for letting me pour out my feelings and emotions....and thank you for being my family
I'm glad you are feeling better today. Rest always makes things look better.
You mentioned telling your fiancee's best friend and hoping he would talk to him. What I have found after living with an A for 20 yrs. is that there are no magic words, there is not one special person that can talk to them, there is not a special sentence that wakes the alcoholic up to see the light. Until they are ready to help themselves, having any expectations will end up in disappointment.
They lie because they are in denial of what is happening. If they don't admit it, it isn't so, right? You can tell them all day long you know they are lying, you can prove it and they still lie. Thus, the reason we get crazy..lol It's insane!!
The more you learn about alcoholism, the easier it is. I hope you attend a meeting soon.
Take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am happy you are feeling better and grateful today. What a difference a day can make after reaching out to Alanon. Things become very clear right from the get go.
