The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It helped me to realize that no matter what I said, did, plotted and planned to get my husband to stop drinking, I could not. Alanon made it very clear , that this program is NOT about getting the A sober, but help me regain my life, again. It made me see that I was creating my own fear of the unknown by trying to project into the future which I had nor ever had any control over. I could not see the fear but I imagined all sorts of terrible things. It made me realize that sitting at home doing nothing, and isolating from friends and family was not helping "me" in the least. Alanon made me look at me, myself and I and made it very clear if I didnt take the necessary steps to change my outlook on life nothing would change. These meetings of one hour a week keeps "me" in check, keeps me going, keeps me making healthy choices for "me" and nobody else. I am becoming a person that I can be proud of, and perhaps my children and granchildren will be proud of me as well. Afterall who wants a whiney/woe is me/always down person to visit? I sure wouldnt. So in a nutshell, Alanon has saved my life, I now go out, have fun, and even laugh so hard I cry, and first and foremost I take care of myself, and am living again!
when I first realized that my son was an alcoholic I thought I was doomed to a very unhappy life if he did not get into recovery. I seriously thought my whole life would revolve around him and his drinking...especially after he was not with his wife any longer. Praise HP (God), that is not the case today. He is still drinking and it is no longer consuming my life. Alanon has given me a life back...a life of my own. That is not to say that I don't think about him and his disease, but it doesn't define my life is anymore.
I am so grateful for Alanon and especially MIP. Without them in my life I don't know where I would be today.
The first time I came to Alanon, I was lost inside myself to such a degree that I couldn't even realize what I'd found. So I went away after 3 or 4 meetings.
20 years later when I returned to Alanon, my pain was so great from the effects on me of the drinking by other people, that I was determined to be with the only people I felt had something to help me deal with how I was affected by the drinking of others. I came prepared to stay that time -- even if I had to force myself to stay. :)
I found my true family. That's how Alanon redefined my life: I got to feel at home in the world.
My mother went to Alanon when I was a kid. After she divorced my dad, she still went for a while. After he died, she pretty much stopped going. I was qualified for Alanon and ACA before I was qualified for AA.
When I was in fairly early sobriety, I gave both Alanon and ACA a try. I felt like I was in the wrong room. I didn't come back for a while. It was really the pain of divorce from my (non-A) wife, and dealing with her druggie/alcoholic daughter that sent me to Alanon ready to learn about what it could do for me in addition to (not a replacement for) my AA program.
I found myself dealing with much older stuff in my Alanon program. My dad who is long gone. And my mom, and how my dad's alcholism affected her, and our relationship.
At this point I am not living with, or closely dealing with any active A's. My daughter is sober, my uncle is sober. My girlfriend has started going to Alanon, and so far she keeps coming back... I don't ask any other questions, it is HER program! But I am looking for a new Alanon home group, since I don't want to attend the same meeting as she does.
I really think that my Alanon program is a big part of how and why I have this relationship today. Certainly without AA, I would not be able to have a relationship with anyone... but Alanon has given me a lot of serenity and acceptance of other people (A or not) just the way they are. And the ability to defer a decision/reaction for a while... to curb my impulse to solve every problem with a proactive response. If I let the clock tick a bit, I find other alternatives or even better, I may discover the problem is a non-problem and no action by me is necessary.
The principles of Alanon redefined my life by giving me a framework for relationships. All relationships!
I used to believe, self centeredly, that I knew what others were thinking, what their motives were, what they thought of me. I was locked helplessly onto a rollercoaster of reacting to everyone and everything, I knew no different. I never questioned my basic assumption: that the world and other people SHOULD be somehow under my control. In Alanon, that assumption is under fire! Sometimes my control fantasies are blown out of the water, sometimes I have to pick pick pick at them very slowly, unraveling a little at a time. Each control fantasy I let go of gives me more peace and relief.
Alanon principles, to me, are about all relationships whether there is substance abuse or not.
