The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I must be CRAZY!!!!! My AH went out to eat w/the kids and me on Friday. We had a nice time. He went back to his stepdad's later in the evening to sleep. Then Saturday he came over around 1:30 or so and spent the rest of the weekend w/us. He slept over Sat and Sun and got up and went to work this morning.
He was in the absolute BEST MOOD I have EVER seen him in. That underlying anger and tension I am so accustomed to was no where to be found. He was attentive and affectionate to us all. He said he was a changed man and promised to be the man I needed for the rest of our lives. He said he would do anything I asked, anything to make me happy, make me feel loved.
Promises promises promises...I know and keep telling myself that I shouldn't believe his promises b/c he has broken so many in the past. But I have to admit that I loved being around the man he was this weekend. Can he keep that up? I don't know. He says he can. I smiled and laughed alot this weekend. So did the kids.
So am I crazy to think he can do this forever?? I don't know. I keep telling myself not to look to far into the future. Enjoy the here and now. I am working on sticking to certain boundries and will keep them in place for as long as I live. But I guess for now, I will enjoy him as he is and try not to expect too much - that way I won't be let down if staying clean and sober proves to difficult for him.
Dear QOD...I say to enjoy any time you can that your husband can be with you and his kids. Nobody knows what the future will bring and I think that the children should have their father in their life as much as possible....sober, that is!
I'm glad you had a good weekend. Whenever I had a good time with my father, I would remind myself that "This is what my sober father is like. My sober father is a person who is thoughtful, kind and loving. My sober father is not around often. I will enjoy this while it is here. I will NOT expect this to come around often. I will NOT expect this to come around when I need emotional support, emotional sensitivity, or when I am in a crisis. I will treasure this as it is, when it comes as I am enjoying it." Perhaps you may want to apply the same logic in your situation so you can detach.
I find that detatching from the good times -- allowing them to just be, enjoying them but not strangling them trying to hold on -- is as important for my sanity as detatching from the bad. "This too shall pass" applies to the good times and the bad. In my own mind, it is much, much harder to detatch from the good, I mean, why would I want to do THAT?
I don't want to CLING to the good. I am trying not to cling to anything. Your post gave me lots of food for thought, so thanks for posting.
Detatchment is a life skill, and in my understanding (I can always think it through better than I can act on it) is detatchment when things are good enables you to just simply enjoy these good times without always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We have to trust HP and leave the complicated stuff to him/her/it :D .
I am so glad you had such a good weekend! Enjoy those good times. It is so hard not to get caught up in them and not hope that they will last forever. We can hope and we can enjoy what we are given whenever it is given!! Congrats on the "new" guy in your life! Hope it continues to go well.
I'm glad you had a wonderful weekend. We all deserve that and it warms my heart to know at that moment in time your family felt like a family again. The one thing I have learned is not to project so far into the future. I'm not saying not to be hopeful. But guard your heart and stay in the present. Always, always stay hopeful. I had to believe and still believe that hubby and I will be okay. So far so good. But I dose that hopefulness with reality. I live in the moment and take nothing for granted. I hope it does work out for you and your family. ODAT my friend.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks to all for the encouragement. I am trying to remember the whole "One day at a time" bit. I reckon I will ride this roller coaster a bit longer.....enjoying the moment.
