The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I guess since my last post, I made one mistake by calling this morning to my A at the hotel and his new girl answered. Basically, I do not need to go into all of it. I can't go back with a man who has cheated on me. That drunk just lost out to a very sweet woman who truly lovs him. I don't know him anymore. I want to know more about what I can do to get ME better---he is left to his own now. I am deeply hurt and distraught. I cannot push those feelings aside, but do not want to end up in the looney bin because I flipped out over a man. I am more than that. I want to learn how not to to focus on other people while neglecting myself. I wonder how long I will take to heal from this blow. I want me back. I lost touch with me and hadn't even realized it. I mean I really am blown away. I am preparing to quit smoking and still want to---do something healthy for my body. Take care of me. Attend more online meetings and chat. I need all your support. thanx HTC
__________________
This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
I say the first thing is to leave him alone. You can care but eventually that will go away. Just knowing that he is with someone else makes us angry, we are territorial..that's just our nature. Rule 1....QUIT calling him. Rule 2.........Find something to do to occupy your time. Your focus has always been in the wrong direction, on your A. You know that saying "BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER"? Well, you can bet this "woman" is exactly as messed up as he is. Once you better yourself and do things for you, you will look back in ten years and he will probably be dead or exactly where you left him. Your not missing out on anything with him. Good luck.
You begin by Step 1 - Admitting we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. You get to meetings. If you can't get to them in person, go to the online meetings. Work in the Paths to Recovery book by reading and journaling and answering the questions, work with a sponsor. I wish there was a magic pill, well let me rephrase that, there is, it's called Alanon.
It's called taking care of yourself and keeping the focus on him. It's called surrendering to your Higher Power who only wants love and kindness in your life and has been waiting patiently for you to see that.
Keep posting; keep coming, your friend in recovery, Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I know it is hard to do, but forget that loser. Like you said, he missed out on a good woman. But that is his problem. Whether he realizes it tomorrow, or 20 years from now -- it is his problem, his loss. You should definitely focus on you from now on. Don't waste another tear on that man. Surround yourself with friends or family, start a new hobby, plan a spa day, buy yourself a new outfit, get your nails done - anything that will make you feel a little better. Sorry if I am harsh, but sometimes we forget about us so much and focus all our energies on men (whether they are addicts or sober). They are not the end all to be all of happiness. You sound like a strong woman -- you can do it!!
I agree with the advice already given to you. Because he's an activeA, he is being controlled by the disease. This often causes behaviours we cannot understand, but are very hurt by. 'Friend' is so right, birds of a feather...and all that.
It is his loss. You know this, and I'm sure he knows it too. He's powerless to this disease, and copes through drinking and whatever else. You are stronger than this though, and will find a better way through. Your HP will be ready and waiting to help you. If I were you, I would turn to him at this difficult time.
