The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He is out of jail. He called me at work. He hadn't been to my house, where he will find the locks changed, his things in the garage, a note from me listing my boundaries and a change of address form from the post office. If he listened to me or cared about what I was trying to say the last two weeks, he would know to expect those things. Knowing him though, he will react as if I sprung this on him. Our converstaion had no emotion. He is the type to call me and have me on speaker phone, so whoever is driving him around can hear our conversation.
Anyway, I had done pretty well this week TRYING to live in the present. That is until last night. I spoke to an alanon angel who brought me down to reality.
I am trying sooo hard to stay calm now after the phone call. I immediately worry that I should call my daughter's school. He didn't mention picking her up, but I worry that he will and I won't know where to find her. I realize that that is just me overreacting since the school knows my situation and would call me if he tried to pick her up. My mother is supposed to pick her up today, so I can go to my f2f meeting after work. I need to go, badly.
All I want to do is fall apart, but that isn't an option right now. All I can do is go on with my day (my life) putting one foot in front of the other. It is hard to eat lunch with my stomach in knots and a lump in my throat. I guess I will use this time for deep breathing instead. I always forget to breath, like holding my breath will stop what's coming.
Thank you all for being here and for your support.
Hate that you are going thru this situation - Yes, dear, please remember to BREATHE.
And although it may feel like he is in control, remember he isn't - Your HP has control of the situation, listen to that inner direction and try to focus on the Next Right Thing.
Hope that you and your daughter are able to have a safe weekend. Also, try to take good care of you this weekend, too.
Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
my experience is this. I was easily upset, things kept happening.
How could i work? Well I taught myself, when I am at work, all I think about or deal with is work. period. if my mind strayed I would tell myself I am safe here, all I have to do is work.
We cannot control how they will react, or what they do. So we can protect ourselves as you have and our kids, as you have.
Good for you!!! It is cool you are going to meetings too. Maybe do your best to stay in the moment, not thinking too far ahead even in the day.
Look at all the progress you have made. hugs,debilyn
I am sorry you are going through this. Glad you get to go to a f2f! One step at a time is the best way to handle it! I hope you have a peaceful weekend.
I know for me when I was in some of the emotional situations that you've been describing, I've looked at exactly what's in front of me and, like my brain had a microscope attached, zoomed in on these things. I would focus so intently on what I was doing that I would zoom out. If I had clocks that made "ticking" sounds around me, I would take the batteries out. I would turn my cell phone off/vibrate. I would consume myself in every detail. This was when I would go into "over achiever" mode (My bosses became my biggest fans...I didn't realize all the interesting privledges I would suddenly be granted because I was driving myself to focus on working like a dog on each obsessive project....). And then, when I left work, I would change my obsession. Dishes needed to be done in the sink. Sheets needed to be changed in the bed. Floors needed to be vacuumed. Clothes needed to be washed, folded and put away. I just kept moving. Just kept refocusing.
What a phenomenal way to handle stuff. I can relate to the A claiming I sprung stuff on him. We have known for months that he had to be out. Yet he acts all the time like he has had it put on him. Of course he also uses any excuse to put it on me. I have not been at the house for days now. I cannot even imagine what is going on there.
I am so proud of you for having boundaries.
I also want to fall apart but I have no option to do that
There are days when I feel strong and others when I miss him and the dogs terribly.
