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Well, my husband and I talked today. We got nowhere but we talked. He is so angry at me and all the things that I did to him. Says, that he just doesnt think that he can forgive me. I said that is funny because, i have already forgiven you for all the terrible things that you have done to me. He has been staying in a hotel and we cant afford that with our other obligations so he will stay here for now. He says that he just isnt sure what he wants... So I went to work and a few hours later had to go to the Dr. for chest pains.. yuck... My blood pressure was SKY HIGH and after an EKG he decided to do stress tests, ekocardiogram, and chest XRays. I havent told anyone especially not him. The Dr. actually gave me NITRO in the meantime. I am 39 and taking NITRO for CHEST PAINS !!! This is CRAZY, the problem is... if I ask him to leave I am sure that it will destroy me, and if he stays it may destroy me too.. I shouldnt have said destroy me just really upset me.. So in other words... I think I am screwed either way. Then I wonder where do I sleep ? In my bed, with my daughter ? Is sleeping with him going to set me up for more heartache if he leaves again ? I am so confused, so hurt, so broken....
I guess the codependent person just wants to sweep it under the rug AGAIN.. :( ..
Tammy u don't say if u are attending meetings for yourself , I hope u will consider f2f meetings before making a life altering decission such as leaving your marriage. Give this progrm 6months of honest effort if u can ,then u can make a more informed decission . Living with an alcoholic is not easy but al anon made it possible for me to stay in my marrige . When I got the focus off him and on to myself for a change our lives changed,love will not cure alcoholism if it did none of us would need Al-Anon ,we turn ourselves inside out over and over again trying to fix the relationship when the problem isn't ours to fix , yeah we make mistakes and we do have a part in the problem but bottom line we are not the reason they drink , we simply are not that powerful if we were we could make them stop. Please find meetings for yourself ,get happy again u never know . good luck Louise 1-888-4alanon international toll free for meetings in your area.
What the hell is his problem? I'm sorry I know I shouldn't say that. But when I was in a similar postion as you a wonderful woman with 20 years in this program leaned over and said to me "sometimes you just have to say @#&* you!" I laughed so hard thru my tears because this wise,beautiful woman is like 75 years old, church going, God fearing and the last person I would have ever expected to say such a thing. But ya know, she's right. Sometimes that is just what we have to say, to protect ourselves and our hearts from the mean, unfair things the A's say and do. I am also guilty of letting my emotions get to me physically. Just a way of getting me to slow down and focus on myself, not a reason to beat myself up (which is what I tend to do). I have to remind myself that I came into this world alone and I will go out alone, just a fact. No matter how badly I want to hold on to my A ( you've seen my posts--I've got both hands in a death grip) for my own sanity I have to let go. I'm detatching with a hatchett at the moment and praying for that to change. Do what you can for you, this is not the end of the world although it may feel like it. We are here for you just like you've been here for us.....much love and recovery....
Tammy, no offense love, but celebrate recovery is NOT al anon. It is something seperate. I cannot tell you how many people get the two confused because celebrate recovery is BASED ON al anon. Secondly, you haven't mentioned working with a sponsor, working with a home group, working on the steps, et cetera. These are the BASICS of al anon and are the KEYS to recovery. the reason that your loved one is angry is because you've cut the chains and are letting him live his life. however, your body is telling you that you are still carrying around a huge amound of burden for him. Your dr was very wise in ordering all those tests, even if it means taking nitro (I hope you don't get migranes love, they're awful). Additionally, your dr is doing everything they can from their end to insist that your body "work on itself," and "fly right." now the ball's in your court, like Abbyal said. I urge you, strongly, to get a sponsor work the steps, get a home group, and become involved in al anon. I also suggest that if your dr wants you to do rehab you do that.
