The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I managed to find something temporary for a few weeks. It is not the answer I need but it is something and will mean I am not homeless for at least a few weeks. I am going to have to take on another job on top of that.
I simply cannot bear to be around the A anymore. I have to go get my cats and a few things and then I am going to take a wide berth. I am only going to go see my dogs when he is not there. There is one week to ten days remaining. He still has not packed one stitch. He has heaps of junk, cartloads of it. He doesn't even look at it. Instead he obsessively looks at his dvds.
I am at the point where I can say no more about him losing all his stuff. There is nothing to say. He can be in denial. I cannot pry him out of it just as I could not ever stop him using drugs or there is no consequence for his reckless driving. He is on some path that he doesn't want to get off. And I have to accept that. It may absolutely devastate me but I have no control over it.
I saw his brother tonight and I let him know that I am absolutely destroyed by his behavior. He said nothing but shook his head. Needless to say he isn't over packing and he is just a block away.
The people who are hanging out with him are conjoined in this denial that they have forever to pack. They can be I guess since they have only a car to move.
The only thing I can do when something is this unbearable is to detach otherwise it will destroy me.
Question: How can you go see your animals? IF they are going to toss him out won't your animals be gone as well? Are they just going to be left behind to fend for themselves?
I really applaud you for following through with plan "B"! I have gained much courage and strength from your posts--you have given me a picture of what recovery can look like. Keep up the good work, and keep us posted!
like cloud said, i am so very proud of you. you are following through on what you need to do to get your needs met. one day at a time, sister, and HP will put what's needed into your life (that's how i see things for myself, anyhow). the disease is cunning enough to suck whole families down the tubes; again, i'm so proud that you will not tolerate being one of those statistics.
yours in recovery, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
My thoughts are with you. Its so sad when it gets to this point. I've been there and still watch my A struggle from a far distance. We live in the same town, just different neighborhoods. As I drive to work or run to the store, I can see his his truck parked hours on end in front of the "club". And all the while I know his dog is in his horrible apartment in filth and clutter and empty beer cans strewn all over the place.
I am amazed he would choose this life rather than a life of sobriety and life with me. I have a wonderful home, a great job, a great life...and he chooses THAT!
But I try to remember, he'll never get sober for me, he will only get sober when he feels enough pain to want sobriety. You leaving him behind just may be his bottom...or not. But if it isn't you won't want to be around for what is.
I haven't had a chance this week to keep up with you, but I think your doing an awesome job. Keep working your program and doing the next right thing for you. Thank you for sharing your recovery with us. In my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and Hugs, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Don't worry about him. There is a god for him. It is not you. Take care of the next right thing that is right in front of you. Focus on you and mind your own business. You have your hands full already, correct? then worry about that. Keep attending to the smaller and "detail things." Your higher power has seen to it that you have not gone homeless, or starved, or gone bankrupt so far, correct? Then continue to go into the dark and to the other side. Additionally, continue to meet with the proper people. Lawyers? Doctors? Landlords? keep holding on to your end of the bargain and let everything else come to gether in its own time. and leave him out.
When I was moving out of my house back in Jan, my AH was acting the same way about packing. We were down the the very last night. Had a house full of junk. He got mad at me b/c my family came over to help me pack everything. He got even madder when they brought over 2 extra trailers to load it all on. He totally thought he could load up a 3300 sq ft home onto 2 car trailers. What a joke. I ended up leaving some stuff behind that was in the storage building b/c it belonged to him and he obviously didn't care about whether we took it or it got left. So sad. What the addiction disease does to all rational. Good luck to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
