The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, Well, I am new to Alanon. I was married to my ex for 16 years , he is a functioning alcoholic but he doesn't think he has a problem. Anyway, he left us (we have 4 daughters) 15 months ago. I still have to talk with him due to having children together. Although we are not living together, I still have to communicate with him. He went into a relationship right when he left us and they are engaged, which I am not angry any more about that whole thing. I now have found myself in a relationship with some one who is in recovery and has had a spiritual awakening and he's working the program very well. He has a higher power and has turned over to him/her.
I think Alanon is something that would really be beneficial to me. My Boyfriend has really opened my eyes to a lot of things, realizing that I actually played a part in the illness and I still struggle with things. I have began meditating, two way praying, and letting things go that I can't control. Thank God for the Serenity prayer.
I just dont know how or where to really begin, Is there a certain way to work the program? I want only to do the right thing and I know a lot is by handing it over to my higher power and when I have practiced that It has felt wonderful and whatever happens, happens. I practice being kind, thoughtful, helping (I kinda did that alot anyway) But I think I became the care giver.
I want to do this, I just feel so dumb to it all because I am new. I have been to 3 meetings with him (Alanon) and 1 last week locally by myself, I felt very welcome at the local meeting. I plan to go again this Tuesday. My boyfriend lives 1.5 hours away so thats what I mean by locally.
Any tips? suggestions?? advice???
also, I need the book, pathways to recovery, they didnt have any available to buy... I live in the Albany NY area.
You are taking the first step and that's wonderful. So happy for you.
Only "suggestion," we don't advise, would be that you work Alanon for you and let your BF work his program for him. If each of you works your own program, chances are very good, you'll each be very strong individuals which makes a good partnership.
Again welcome, keep coming, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Amazon.com has all of the alanon books, that are CAL that you will ever need. I just did a search on "alanon books" and it sent me to Amazon and they had all of the books I had ever heard of listed.
I think it is great that your boyfriend is helping you with your program! But there may be differences. For instance, an alcholic will be 'sick" with alcholism FOREVER, whereas once out of the dysfunctional relationship the 'alanonner" will often be fine, although sometimes additional counseling would be needed.
There are a lot of different ways to work the program, just find out as much as you can, and you will find a path for you.
Continue going to f2f, and although it can a wonderful bonding part of your relationship to go to some meetings together, it is best if you find a meeting of you own. Some of the issues that you will need to deal with as you heal will have to do with him, and it is essential that you feel able to speak freely. My husband and I go to our own meetings, and also go to roundups and conferences together, and sometimes open AA meetings.
There are a lot of different ways to get the literature. If they don't have that one book for sale at your meeting, they probably will have others - all of the books have something valuable to say, and different people get different things out of them. You can also order from the links at the top of this page, or from ebay, or just google alanon literature and see if there is a district office near you where you could pick up a book. You can borrow them from the library - something wonderfully liberating about taking a book like this out, where everyone can see. I got most of mine from thrift stores.
Read back over old psots on this board - not everything you read will have something to say to you, but some will, I promise.
Read, talk and listen. Soon you will find a few people who really seem to speak your language, who have something that you want. It is from this group that hopefully you will pick your sponsor.
