The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Stark and sobering words. I have witnessed the horror of just how fast the disease progressed in my husband's case: After over 20 years of drinking "only" a 6-pack of beer "only" once a week, the disease caught up with him (and with me) so that within 3 months, he was drinking all day every day and telling the truth when he said to me, "I get up every day determined not to drink. Then an hour later, I go buy a 6-pack intending to drink only that. Then I drink all day. I can't stop it."
I was separated from him before that but we were still in touch in ways that were healing for each of us and not perpetuating our "sick" ways. So even though I was separated permanently from him, I knew almost daily by phone and in person what was going on. I watched in horror as the disease of alcoholism progressed faster every day.
I asked for help at one of my many Al-Anon face-to-face meetings to better understand what was happening. A member who had years of sobriety after being an active alcoholic as well as years of being active in Al-Anon because he was affected by his wife's drinking helped me the most that first night I asked. He told me, "Sunny, when they say alcoholism is a progressive disease, your husband's experience is what they mean. A person can go for years drinking and still going to work, still seeming to be in control, and so on. Even so, the disease is progressing. Even if no one can see it. It is just a fact that the disease progresses over time. Period. If the person continues drinking, even with periods of sobriety, the disease is progressing."
I saw my husband nearly die from the progression that accelerated visibly in just 3 months. Yet, I now understand that the disease of alcoholism was progressing during all those years where it seemed to the world that he was "Just a social drinker, Sunny; why does it bother you so much? For Pete's sake, leave the man alone. Don't stress yourself out."
This is one of the hardest topics for me that there is. Our culture in the United States generally accepts drinking alcohol as "okay." I am not a slow learner or uninformed. But until I saw it happen right in front of me, I had no idea of what was meant by "Alcoholism is a progressive disease."
Even though it's so hard for me still to share about this topic, I hope someone will hear me and be prompted to learn more about the disease itself, especially about what it means to say "Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease."
To those of you who already know about what "progressive" means in alcoholism, thank you for mentioning it elsewhere on this board and prompting me to say to myself, "I am grateful. I will express my gratitude by sharing *now* instead of waiting for "someday" even though this is so hard for me to share about.
Sunny, I look at it this way: Let's allow, for the moment, that alcoholism is a disease. I am not convinced, but let's go with that for now. It does not have to be fatal, and that is where I part ways with the notion. It doesn't even qualify as progressive if the alcoholic gets a grip, attains sobriety, and maintains it. A person who gains his/her sobriety must believe that continued and lasting sobriety will save his/her life unless permanent physical damage has already been done to the liver or other organs. If he/she cannot believe that, then they must believe they are going to die, so what's the use of quitting? It is a fatalistic (pardon the word) attitude that is instilled in the alcoholic and the ones who love the alcoholic. I believe that if alcoholism is, indeed a disease, it does not have to be fatal. It is fatal only if the alcoholic let's it kill him. Alcoholism, controlled by 100% sobriety, does not have to kill the drinker. So when I read that alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease, I am tempted to think, "Well, hell! Nothing can save this poor soul. He is doomed to die from alcoholism and that's that." VERY bad attitude.....
I am glad you shared your thoughts on this subject. Gave me an opportunity to share with you.
Very best wishes,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I agree that nothing explains the "progressive" better than seeing the disease progress. And it is a horrible thing to see, isn't it?
I know for myself, I had to make a conscious decision that I was not going there with my alcoholic. I saw the road we were on and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't believe it was so self destructive. That's when I started reading AA literature, and began to have a greater understanding of acoholism.
I too, went through the period where others thought I was being unreasonable, and I was "no fun". I tried to get our friends to understand, but nobody got it. One neighbor, who saw me get upset several times over the drinking, actually asked me after AH went into treatment.. "so, he isn't just a social drinker?" I said "no, why do you think I got upset so many times?" This was a person who would come home from work and find my husband and her husband completely hammered, starting many days-especially in the summer- at 10 am. How could she be so blind?
In my case, I think it was easier for those friends to think it was "my" problem rather than see how big my husband's problem really was. As you said, "leave the man alone."
I want to add yes it is progressive, no doubt. Our bodies cannot keep functioning when a poison is constantly put into it.
As far as fatal, u bet. But that does not mean that when they die it was from the aism.
They could be in a car accident, gave cancer, whatever.
My fil stopped cold turkey, was dead in a few days. My bil stoppped using many many years ago yet the effects of using, he died from cirrosis after at least 20 years of not using.
The damage drugs do to our bodies is very apparent. They change things, they make the organs weaker, make them work to hard to filter. They break down brain tissue, thus "wet brain."
analogy emphesema, when you smoke or have bad asthma or some other lung disease the little tiny hair like structures in your lungs are damaged beyond repair. They are what take in oxygen. they are very tender. Once gone they are gone. They do not come back
does not matter if you don't smoke for 50 years, they won't come back. over time it is natural to lose some, but add that to the damage the cig did, bad.
Same with using, whatever drug it is breaks down something. alcohol causes damage to the liver, other drugs do too. When it repairs itself, the scar tissue is not liver tissue, it is useless. the more damage the closer you are to death.
So many organs are like that. If you knew how a kidney worked you would NEVER drink. I am sooo shocked we live as long as we do once I learned all this stuff.
So the chances are VERY high when an addicts die that the primary cause was aism. My first husband was killed by a ped. accident. On his death cert. it says, primary chronic alcoholism...
I was heading into medicine when my mother developed breast cancer. It really almost made it all the more hard to take. I mean knowing what I did.
I am shocked so shocked my A is not dead. sure don't know how his boy takes it. Sadly I believe he has wet brain now.
Maybe "if left untreated" should be added to your first sentence. I am sorry for your pain. I've watch someone lose this battle. I have no trouble looking at this as a disease. I've see that pure will power isn't enough.
The situation I'm in, being seperated from my A, use to fool me. He'd get it together long enough to visit w/ us. I was no longer seeing his progression on a daily basis -- but eventually they can't hide it.
It's funny, just yesterday I was able to say to him "I know you mean what you say when you say it." only he isn't able to follow thru. It's getting much worse. He wants to do "better" but this disease just isn't going to let him. I don't pity him, that won't help, but I'm not going to punish him for it either. I have an understanding that I don't have the power to get him sober. I've got a wonderful life to live and that is my choice-- to live it. Help is availble to him, he's just got to want it.
It is progressive, and it can be fatal, yet there is hope. Get to an AA speaker meeting, that always helps me. It's good to see someone who is actively working their program. Reminds me that there are those who have attained what seems so impossible for our A's.
Lunamoth, ty for replying. I believe you don't understand this about my present life: my husband has been dead for a number of years. The date when the 3 months happened was in 1995 after I had already legally separated from him and was already working my Al-Anon program daily (and have been ever since). My husband did not die drunk, but as debilyn pointed out above, his alcoholism up to the point that he stopped drinking for good still affected his body (and his brain in his case).
Appreciate your reply but wanted to let you know I do know where to go and what to do and who to turn to for help in my continuing recovery and healing from the effects on me of many, many people who drank: from relatives to co-workers, neighbors, fellow church members, and so on.
