The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am only half joking. We in this program often say if we could just take the sickness away we would. I believe my HP "could" do that, but my HP has a reason for allowing people to learn from their actions. To choose that which is healthy for them. Work at it and feel proud of their accomplishments.
What if I could forcably remove her from the influence of alcohol? I would pretty much have to force her to cope better with live or she would resent me for taking away her crutch... right?
Obviously I didn't just dream this concept up, something happened tonight and every unpleasant happening that has come up since our seperation was brought to my attention as my fault because if she had been home none of it would have happened. Well... I guess that is one way to look at it.
I see it a little differently, but not completely. I didn't cause those things to happen, but some of them I would not have allowed at my home.
I feel so sad for her on days like this. She is mad at me, but she is in such pain. I do wish I could take that away, but I just can't.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
When I read your posts, your love for your wife is so obvious. With my AHsober, I wish either his HP or my HP would just swoope in and fix this mess. I pray for understanding of what I am suppose to do. And pray for understanding of why he is doing what he is doing. And I know for some of this there will be no answers.
I remember those days. I can recall vividly looking at those days, and my heart breaking for him. Last May when I told him to leave, I was shattered and broken in so many ways. I see addicts on the street and I wish they could find recovery. But I know we can't make them. Having compassion for people is one of our greatest gifts. You still love your wife and that's good. But you're doing what you have to, in order to take care of your family.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You do care so much for her. But here's what I think (my opinion) I think that we are part of their problem to a point. They can not argue and fight alone and we are so desperate to help them see their wrongs that we get involved. You have to come to the understanding that we only help them when we move out of their way. If they start a fight don't feed in to it. You know the old saying "you can lead a horse to water......." same goes with them. I only showed my ahsober that I could live happily without him and he wanted that so badly that he went after it too. Sounds like your a good man hun and I hope that you have the strength to hang in there but if things don't change I hope you know you deserve much better and to be loved without the fighting and chaos of alcoholism. Your in my prayers ^i^
I remember the time when I thought, if I was god what would I do different. The scene that actually comes to mind is "OH GOD!" with John Denver and George Burns, where Burns is bringing Denver dinner. These intensely wise theologians have written out questions that supposedly only God could answer and supposedly only God would have wisdom of, et cetera et cetera. What stands out in my mind the most of that whole exchange is how God laughs at these questions. I think about this because I realize, today, that God, like that whole scene with Burns and Denver, is gentle. Loving. Infinite. Understanding. Compassionate. There is no entity that could be described as God that I am aware of that wants the suffering of the world. I can't explain it. But if ever you're in the dumps spiritually, rent it and be fufilled. Was a huge vitamin shot for my soul. If not just a good laugh.
Yep! A used to tell me he didn't need anyone or anything else.............just me. I was his HP.....I could fix everything. Just loving him and standing by him while he wreaked havoc was enough for him to just keep on doing what he did best. Mrs Fix it would rise to the challenge every time. And every time it got worse and worse so that Mrs Fix it couldn't fix it anymore. There was me thinking I was invincible.I even believed I WAS the only one who could fix him....how distorted is that? I fed into it all and,of course,when I couldn't take any more it was ME who was blamed and yelled at for not being strong enough or not loving him enough to take all the pain away. Letting go and Letting GOD was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do....and it's still a daily battle sometimes to keep my nose out and my big mouth shut.
Loving another enough to allow them the dignity to find their own way and trusting their own HP is the greatest gift we can give. I still struggle with my A's anger and bitter accusations that I abandoned him and therefore my love wasn't worth having. And continue to pray that one day he will understand why I did what I did.
If I were his HP would I do anything different? Heck yes!! But then look where my thinking got us!
I fed into it all and,of course,when I couldn't take any more it was ME who was blamed and yelled at for not being strong enough or not loving him enough to take all the pain away. Letting go and Letting GOD was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do....and it's still a daily battle sometimes to keep my nose out and my big mouth shut.