The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been on this board for a while-- but as I sat here this AM telling my H that I don't think I want to do this marriage thing anymore if he can't see that he is an addict---- I realized this is exactly where I need to be. The problem for me is that my A is really a marijuana addict (daily) who supplements his bad behavior with vodka sucking binges about every 6 weeks or so. He just sleeps and watches tv and doesn't go to work--- followed by episodes of remorse,renewed resolve to work harder,decreased use and occasional abstinence. His cyclical behavior is maddening. When he is fine--I feel like I don't need alanon. I understand that is really not true though. I have learned much here and in a few f2f meetings over the course of the past 5 years or so. I just haven't found strategies to help me deal with the sinkholes. I have been trying to keep it together for my kids (14 and 10). I generally make good "alanon approved" decisions about my A and his behavior-- but sometimes when he crashes, I get sucked into the vortex he creates. I wish I could be detached enough to not let his cycles affect me.
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Welcome back! I can relate to what you describe. It took a lot of crises in my life to get me to al anon, then a lot more to realize what good there is in the program in both the good and bad times. What finally convinced me was hearing over and over that the program is really a program of self-improvement for living. Alcohol is only mentioned in the first step. Once I started living the program, my life began to improve in every area, not just my relationship with my A, but my relationship with myself. When times are good I am able to enjoy life and provide ESH to those in need, when things are not good, I know where to find the support I need. I hope you keep coming back!
Welcome back! Probably the most noticable change I can see since getting serious about this program is the levelness of my own emotions and anxiety.
It was maddening to be happy one minute and ranting the next. That behavior seems normal to my AW, but was insanity to me.... yet I couldn't seem to get away from joining in the maddness.
Here is a good example. One weekend I wanted to go see a friend in the hospital. Asked my AW if she wanted to go because she knows and likes this person. She said she didn't. So I left, but I could tell she wanted to do something else.
She called my 10 times on the way to the hospital ranting and raving that I ditched her to go do this. The last call she said if I don't care about her any more than that she was just going to kill herself, so take all the time I want.
I was mortified, called the police to go check on her because now I was an hour away. Police couldn't find her and I am on the phone with the dispatcher rushing home and when I get there... she had gone to the store. Like nothing had happened.
Now here is the "punch line".... she said that since I was home did I want to take her fishing? WHAT!!!!
There is a huge gap in reality here. If we dont learn to stay based in reality, we can become just as unruly as they do. I must have said the serenity prayer 100 times that day, concentrating on each word.
Welcome back, if you work it - you will find that balance you are looking for!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Welcome back! I don't live with an active A but even my disease lies in wait for an opportunity to rear its ugly head.
I am so thankful for this program. I've been an active member face to face, six years, and here, 3 1/2. The serenity and sanity is well worth the effort for me.
Sorry about your hubby, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
What makes alanon hard for you? If I ask you that what do you want to say?
I mean I relate to your post, but not the subject.
For me alanon is a way of life. My A is not even around anymore. But the skills to me are life skills.
Cannot control anyone but me one day at a time be concerned, do not worry serenity prayer let go, surrender to hp be of service to others cannot change anyone but me can love but do not have to accept their behavior hate the behavior not the person on and on
Hello gnee , I am going to suggest u try f2f meetings full time for a few months , it just dosent seem to work part time. :) This is a program for living your life and I don't know about u but I want to live along time not just between sobriety days . good luck Louise
Just to clarify- I think I am a "rainy day" alanon member. When things are going well (which may or may not have to do with AH) and I'm busy doing my thing, I'm not here. I don't lose my cool until he takes a header into his mental cocoon-- sometimes I detach better than others. So I guess I wouldn't say that alanon is hard--so much as without continued aggravation in my life, I am not as motivated to pursue it. I read some of the literature-- its there when I need it. I give all of you credit for your consistent approach though. Not sure if I need it yet. But glad you all are here. XXOOXX
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
