People pleasing and feeling trapped - Al-Anon Family Group

rtexas · ~*Service Worker*~

People pleasing and feeling trapped

bcanuck · Senior Member

Hi Tex,

People pleasers. Is that such a bad way to be? That's the million dollar question. I am a "people pleaser" and as a result the past two weeks have been absolutely horrible, as the bully at work has decided that I am the next "target". Boy do people pleasers make good targets

A good opportunity to use the tools I learned in Al-anon (which work with a bully as well). No matter what I do, they will do what they will do.

Glad you're here, even if it's not as often as you would like to be here. We all have lives to live outside of this haven, but it is sure nice to know that this group is here when we need it to be.

take care

bonnie

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

how about lending me a thousand bucks???? haha

hugs, good for you for seeing this in yourself, a hard thing to face.

You know what i am the opposite. someone will offer something to me and I say no right away.

I have learned to say, oh I answered too soon, may I think about it?

Maybe sooooomeday I will say may I think about it first??? ya think???

hugs,debilyn

maresie2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Well I am a people pleaser too and yes the A likes company being sick. I have worked really hard on it sticking up for myself. I have not perfected it yet.

I am a people pleaser in recovery. I do the best I can. I no longer slave and kill myself.

I have been applying for work and when I was at the height of my people pleasing I worked for a company that literally drove me to ill health.

The work load I took on there was incredible. I always felt proud of that. This week I had occasiont to see what they said about me. What it was was "could prioritize better". I interpret that as saying I could have done more! I guess I should have been in the grave.

Behind my people pleasing is a deep fear of acceptance and abandonment. When I work on that the people pleasing lessens.

Maresie.

doxie · Senior Member

I am a people pleaser also, It is a hard habit to break. It has made me more that miserable during my life.

I am changing this about myself. I try to not second guess when I tell someone something, once it is out, it is out. No calling back and apologizing unless I unloaded on someone. Know what I mean?

We are gonna be ok cause we can come here to get support.

Doxie

twinmom2 · ~*Service Worker*~

((RT))

So glad to see your post. Hope all is well with you too. I can relate to people pleasing especially with the A. As long I am agreeable he's fine, as soon as I stand up for my boundaries and beliefs he can't handle it. I think he knows when he's crossed the line or done something wrong, but I'm the bad guy because I'm the one pointing it out. I'm holding that mirror up to his face and showing him where he screwed up and he doesn't like that.
I think I have allowed myself to continue making those same mistakes over and over because I was afraid of going a head of him and getting well while he stays behind continuing to get sicker and sicker with this disease. I guess there was a fear there that I'd get healthy he'd stay sick and we'd have nothing in common. How sick thinking is that? I'm glad I know better now because you are right there is no honor in staying sick for someone else. Somebody has to carry on for the rest of the family and themselves.

I find saying no I'm not comfortable with that, and then detaching emotionally a bit seems to work. Once I've emotionally detached from the situation, his manipulation pleading, threats whatever is not getting through. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I have to say no, it's the BS that comes with saying no and not having my no respected.

Glad you are hanging in there. Keep doing good things for yourself.

Peace,
Twinmom~

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.