I got an email from my husband last night.  (That is kind of a weird thing to say lol) Anyway, he and a friend of ours have been emailing each other back and forth about her husband.  Her husband is also an A.  She and I have basically the same story when it comes to our A husbands.  I see alot of my old self in her.  AH asked her after a few emails if it would be ok to involve me in their conversation so I could put my two cents in as well. She had asked AH how I had made him quit drinking and was wanting advice from him on things she could do to stop her hub's drinking.  I was shocked by his answers to her because I had no idea how much he had actually noticed while still drinking.  Basically, he told her he started noticing a change in me.  He said for a while he thought I must have found a 'man on the side' because here was his wife who had not taken care of herself and wasn't ever happy and I was laughing, smiling, and having fun.  I was doing my hair and nails, putting on makeup, and had bought new clothes.  He said he noticed the kids were behaving better and were having more fun with mom too.  He told her I was saying these slogans and he had noticed that I had written some on mirrors and posted them on the fridge.  He said I was reading books and listening to people speak on the computer.  Then I left him.  He told her at first all this did was make him mad and he drank more.  Then it made him sad and he drank more.  Then it made him feel like a loser and he drank more.  Finally, he started looking at himself and realizing that just maybe he DID have a problem and for a while he drank more.  He said he got out of control then when he cheated on me, wrecked my car, spent every penny he could get his hands on, and ended up sleeping in the Wal-Mart parking lot he realized if he didn't get help he would die.  In the end he said that I had moved on with my life and let him find his own way.  He said that I didn't pretend there wasn't a problem in our home, but that I only took responsibility for my side of the street and let him have the responsibility for his side. He said that I quit enabling him and turned it over to God.  He said that I loved myself and that it had become enough for me.  Then he asked her if she would talk with me about Al Anon and just leave her husband alone.

I am learning more and more about this new man.  He has never in the time I have known him taken the time to talk with someone about their problems.  It also made me more proud of myself and my recovery that my husband had noticed all the positive changes that had been going on in my life even though at the time he acted as though I was just making things worse for him.