The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Family, I dont post often but im with you all every day reading and i hope learning,i have a question i hope you can help me with. We have been back together now since xmas,in this time our house has been drink free. Things have been a hundred percent better,he is doing his best to please ,but with no job,only my income things are a bit tight.my question is. Why am i still angry ,i seem to be on a short fuse most of the time,we are still picking up bills to pay from when we were separated,he knows that im tired working full time just to keep us afloat,he keeps saying i know its not fair, im doing my best to look for work. Lets be realistic here he,s 59 trying to stay sober,no licence,and no confidence,i have convinced myself this is the way it is going to be for us. I just feel so sorry things could not have been different. lots of love ollie xxxxxxx
Hate that you are feeling overwhelmed today. I can relate to that - Jan thru April I work two jobs and can get very tired, weepy & extremely grumpy. I know I need to do as much self care as possible during this time.
Do you have some self-care stuff you can do for you? Even if it is the small things, like taking time to put on perfumed lotion, take a 30 min. nap when you get home in the afternoon, or a relaxing walk on your lunch break - whatever it is that helps you feel nutured.
Also, remember "This too shall pass" Yes, realisticaly your A is 59 yrs old, no licence, no confidence, etc., but hey a year ago was he sober? Remember our future is not limited by our narrow outlook - Your HP has a plan - You can continue to give his job situation to your HP & know that your financial security doesn't come from your job, his job, but from a power greater than us - Your situation is not limited when your HP takes over. Our HP has no limitiations.
Praying you are able to do something really good for Ollie today,
Peace, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Do you have a lot of things that you are not saying, for fear of setting off his drinking again? Are you feeling resentment because of slack he is not picking up (yard work, housework cooking etc)? Are you carrying most of the emotional load of the family, being the one who does the heavy lifting when it comes to the relationship? Are you waiting for the big apology, for the hell you went through while he was drinking? Are you tired of it being all about him, and want some fo the attention sometimes? All kinds of reasons for anger.
You might want to try journalling for bit - looking back at your journal after a month of so can make patterns become apparent. I know it often takes me quite a while to realise what I am really feeling, and what has set it off.
And, yeah, how about doing some stuff for yourself. Are you having fun, and if not, why not?
This reminds me of my mom and dad. Even when my dad wasn't drinking, my mom always seemed mad at him. I sometimes felt bad for my dad because of how she treated him with indifference but now I realize it was resentment, I guess even though she forgave him she never forgot.
__________________
Grant me the strenght to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!
thank you for your replys,i know things are much better than what they were last year,i do try to work the program and look after myself ,each one of your posts hit right home to me,he has not given a proper apology i dont think he even knows himself the reason he took to the bottle or the depth of damage done ,he carnt remember most of it,so on reflect i do think its resentment of distroying a marriage of 33yrs ,i know being made redundant from his job of 40yrs came as a massive blow to him ,but to nearly distroy me ,who has been by his side all those years.i carnt even manage to get back in the marital bed ,i dont know how im going to forget all the pain,but i am taking it one day at a time. Love to you all Ollie xxxx
